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is the betrothal gift a personal property for the bride, or a gift to her parents? when the bride's parents receive the betrothal gift, are they keeping the property for their daughter, or are they free to dispose of it? recently, the huangyan district people's court of taizhou city, zhejiang province, heard a case in which a married daughter sued her parents for the return of the betrothal gift. the court held that the betrothal gift belonged to the bride's parents and the bride herself.

the defendants in this case, mr. and mrs. zhang, have three daughters. when the eldest daughter zhang xiaomou got engaged in 2020, her fiancé xiaolin gave the zhang family more than 800,000 yuan in betrothal gifts in accordance with local customs. mr. and mrs. zhang collected 180,000 yuan of it and returned the rest of the money. after the engagement, zhang xiaomou and xiaolin registered their marriage. shortly after the two parties got married, zhang xiaomou began to ask for a betrothal gift from her parents' home, but the old zhang couple refused to give it. zhang xiaomou believed that the betrothal gift was a gift from the man to her, and her parents were just keeping it for her temporarily, so why didn't they give it to her? in 2023, seeing that her parents still refused to return the betrothal gift, zhang xiaomou sued the court on the grounds of a custody contract dispute, demanding that mr. and mrs. zhang return all the betrothal gifts.

during the trial, zhang xiao accused her parents of not giving her a dowry or holding a wedding banquet after receiving the betrothal gift, and of favoring other children in life, which made her feel heartbroken. "after marriage, i found that my husband's family was not well-off. in order to subsidize living expenses, i asked my parents to return the betrothal gift many times, but they refused. even when i was hospitalized for medical expenses after giving birth, they were unwilling to return the money to me." zhang xiao said during the trial. zhang xiao's husband xiaolin also gave testimony to prove that the betrothal gift was given to his wife before marriage.

mr. and mrs. zhang argued that the betrothal gift is the money paid by the man or his family to the woman's family when they get married, which should be controlled by the woman's parents and not given to the woman personally. "according to custom, the betrothal gift should belong to us, old couple, not be kept for our daughter. how can a daughter run back to her parents' home to ask for the betrothal gift after getting married?" as for issues such as dowry and wedding banquet, mr. and mrs. zhang explained that they had proposed to organize a wedding banquet for zhang xiaomou, but the two families had disagreements on the wedding details and wedding date, which led to the banquet not being held. also, because zhang xiaomou came to ask for money shortly after the marriage, the old couple had objections to this, so they did not buy a dowry for zhang xiaomou, but they gave her a red envelope of more than 8,000 yuan when she gave birth.

"there are many couples who go to court over betrothal gifts, but it is rare for a married daughter to sue her parents for the return of the betrothal gifts. this is the first case i have encountered," said the judge in charge of the case. according to reports, in order to encourage the two parties to reconcile as soon as possible, the judge organized a pre-court mediation. the old zhang couple said that because zhang xiaomou was in poor health, they took zhang xiaomou to the doctor many times and spent a lot of medical expenses. the betrothal gift was left for retirement and to compensate for previous expenses. in addition, they had thought about buying an insurance policy for zhang xiaomou as a living guarantee, but because zhang xiaomou asked for money many times and hurt their feelings, and the two sides argued when they met, they could not reach a consensus on the insurance issue, so they put it on hold. zhang xiaomou believed that the betrothal gift paid by her husband's family before marriage was a personal gift to her on the premise of concluding a marriage, and her parents' behavior of leaving the betrothal gift did not consider her feelings at all, so they were determined to return all the betrothal gifts, and the two sides had a large disagreement. "during the mediation, we found that the contradictions between the two sides were very deep and they had quarreled very fiercely. although we organized mediation many times, the two sides could not reach a consensus." the judge said.

after trial, the court held that, from the perspective of traditional customs, the betrothal gift is usually regarded as a gift from the man's family to the woman's family, and is often collected and controlled by the woman's parents. however, due to the changes of the times, the betrothal gift now has the function of blessing the newlyweds, supporting the newlyweds to form a family, and rushing to a better life. therefore, combined with the traditional customs of the betrothal gift and the changes of the times, the betrothal gift should be understood as a gift from the man's family to the woman's family for the purpose of marriage. it is more reasonable for the parents and the married daughter to share the benefits of the gifted property, and it is also easier to be accepted by the public. in the case where the woman's parents and the woman herself cannot reach an agreement on the ownership and disposal of the betrothal gift, the court determined that the betrothal gift of 180,000 yuan collected by the two defendants in this case should be jointly owned by the woman's parents and the woman herself. combined with the amount of the betrothal gift, expenditure, dowry and wedding banquet, the current economic situation and actual living needs of the plaintiff and the defendant, and referring to local customs, it was determined that the two defendants should return 100,000 yuan to the plaintiff. after the verdict was announced, neither party appealed, and the judgment has come into legal effect and has been automatically fulfilled.

the judge said that the focus of the dispute in this case is the ownership of the bride price. neither the civil code of my country nor the provisions of the supreme people's court on several issues concerning the application of law in the trial of cases involving dowry disputes clearly states whether the bride price belongs to the woman or her parents. however, the civil code stipulates that civil disputes should be handled in accordance with the law; if the law does not provide for it, customs can be applied, but they must not violate public order and good morals. combining the traditional factors of the custom of bride price and the evolution of the concept of bride price, it is more reasonable to regard the bride price as a gift from the man or the man's family to the woman's family, including the woman's parents, for the purpose of marriage. the woman and her parents have a common ownership relationship for the bride price. if the woman and her parents have a dispute over the ownership of the bride price, it is actually a request by both parties to divide the bride price.

"when dividing the bride price, we mainly consider the following aspects. first, the expenditure of the bride price. according to traditional customs, parents often prepare wedding banquets and dowries for their daughters after receiving the bride price. if the parents have already held a wedding banquet and prepared a dowry for their daughter, in principle, the daughter's request for division of the bride price should not be supported unless the bride price is huge and non-division will cause serious injustice to the daughter. on the other hand, the economic situation and actual life needs of both parties must also be considered. if the daughter's life after marriage is in trouble because of the bride price, then the division of the bride price should be tilted towards her appropriately; if the parents are old and lack a source of income, a larger share should be reserved for them. in addition, factors such as the hard work of parents in raising their daughter need to be considered as appropriate to achieve an organic unity of emotion, reason and law." said the judge.

author: li jing, reporter of farmers daily and china agricultural network

original title: is the bride price the woman’s property or a gift to her parents?

image: visual china

source: farmers daily

producer: hou xinyuan editor: du juan