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time and people are flowing, and parting is a lesson that people have to learn throughout their lives. but fortunately, keeping everything that has passed does not mean never parting, but remembering them with memories.

on january 27, 2023, the famous translator mr. li wenjun passed away suddenly. his daughter-in-law ma xiaoqi recalled the moments she spent with "old father wenjun" and her husband and other family members in simple and delicate words, recording this precious time between the author and mr. li wenjun.

the following is excerpted from "my wenjun dad" and is authorized by the publisher. the subheadings are written by the editor, and the content has been deleted due to space limitations.

01

i can't hear my dad's voice anymore.

my father, li wenjun, passed away peacefully at 3:30 a.m. on january 27, 2023. my husband, "silly angel", murmured, "i can no longer hear my father's voice." he couldn't stop crying. our mother, who was sometimes sober and sometimes confused, pretended to be strong when she was sober and said, "it's useless to be sad or decadent. the best way to commemorate him is to live a good life." when she was confused, she would ask me, "where is dad? what should i do if i can't find dad?" and i couldn't even show my grief... i lost the person i respected and loved the most in the world; i was facing two people who were most worthy of my love and who needed my love the most. "the sadness is cut, and the pain penetrates my heart." such words must not be thought of by those who can control their emotions. deep sadness is involuntary.

faulkner translator, famous translator li wenjun

when my mind turns to my old father and is stopped by reason, i will blame myself at the same time: how can i stop myself from thinking about my old father who is so kind to me? how dare i ignore the greatest kindness in my life? how can i find a good way to remember my old father for the rest of my life...

at this moment, i am alone in my father's small room, sitting in front of his desk, using the paper and pen he used when he was alive to record my thoughts about him. at the same time, i am amazed at the incredibleness of life. how can a person like me have such a magical and beautiful fate with li wenjun's father?

i looked up at my father's portrait on the wall. his translations and flowers were neatly placed under the portrait. the stereo played his favorite music. the afternoon sun shone on his portrait, and there was a colorful halo on his face. in the light and shadow, my father's eyes looked at me, his mouth slightly pursed, his eyes were gentle and peaceful, with a little compassion. it was clear that he was sitting in front of me and talking and laughing with me happily two days ago.

old dad is still here, he won’t really want to leave us.

02

"can you take me to meet your parents?"

the only role i am satisfied with in my life: i am the daughter-in-law of li wenjun’s father.

when i first came to beijing, i rented a small shop of less than 10 square meters in the courtyard of the chinese bookstore in liulichang, mainly selling my sister ma xinyang's paintings. at that time, the calligraphy and painting market was very hot. ma xinyang was already a doctor of the chinese academy of arts. she was a young painter who was favored by many art dealers and whose works had room for appreciation. the income from the small shop could barely support my survival in beijing.

in the first few years, i lived in a small shed next to a toilet in an alley near liulichang. it goes without saying that my life was difficult and lonely, but after all, i was still young and had many unrealistic fantasies about life. with that kind of ignorant and fearless courage, plus the fact that my horizons were really broadened and i was exposed to things that i really liked, i felt very fulfilled in my heart and did not take the hardships of life seriously. after making a living, i spent most of my time and energy on self-taught writing. i have an innate passion for calligraphy and writing, probably because my father taught me to write when i was five years old. the environment of the liulichang chinese bookstore just provided me with many convenient learning conditions. i was persistent based on instinct and luck, and i had an indescribable lofty ideal for life, which seemed to be more and more hopeful. but suddenly, due to various reasons, i lost my source of income. at that time, i only had enough rent to support my life in beijing for one or two years. i tried other ways, but i couldn't find any other way out. i seemed to be pushed into a desperate situation again.

i thought at that time, i would just study in beijing for another year. if i ran out of money, i could just close the shop and survive. i prepared for the worst and looked around the streets of beijing like a stray dog... it was the darkest moment of my life.

at this time, a friend wanted to introduce me to a man for a blind date. i thought this was a good way to go, so i agreed without hesitation. my friend asked me what my requirements were. i thought i couldn't miss any opportunity, so i told her that it only mattered if it was a man, and that she should introduce him to me as much as possible, and i would choose by myself.

she gave me the contact information of silly angel and introduced his qualifications. i didn't know him, but based on his qualifications, i felt that it was a good opportunity. but when i saw him, i was very surprised. i had never seen such a person before. he was already in his forties, and he looked like a young college student. he had a kind of helpless restraint towards the world and a peaceful silence that was not disturbed by others. his bangs were kept long to cover his vision. he thought that if he couldn't see others, others wouldn't see him.

he went on a blind date with me. after i asked him to sit down, he didn't say a word and didn't even look at me. he was not embarrassed, but i was. i tried to find something to say to him, but he either said "hmm" or nodded or shook his head, and remained silent calmly. but i didn't find him annoying. i just forgot the purpose of getting to know him. i treated him as a quiet and kind child. what's more, he was the son of the great translator mr. li wenjun. i had to give him some face even if i didn't look at the monk. so i continued to contact him on wechat, with the same fixed sentences. of course, he still took the initiative to contact me every day. asked: "have you eaten?" answer: "yes." asked: "are you busy today?" answer: "not busy." asked and answered two or three times a day.

sometimes when i was in a good mood, i would try to talk to him. he could respond normally with words, but of course my topic couldn't be too human. this made me quickly realize that this person was still clear-headed, but he just lacked the ability to communicate and interact with others. i also found that he didn't know the purpose of getting to know me. i asked him and he said that his father asked him to go on a blind date with me because his father always asked him to go on blind dates with girls. when i heard this, i didn't blame him at all, but became more excited. i thought meanly, this is good, anyway i wouldn't like him, but i can get to know the great translator li wenjun through him. people like mr. li wenjun were like the stars and the moon in the night sky to me at that time. i would feel clear-headed and proud if i could just look at them.

so 20 days later, i asked the silly angel, "can you take me to meet your parents?"

the silly angel asked me awkwardly at first, if i could please not laugh at the fake antiques in his house when we got there. i was amused when i heard that, because it turned out that the silly angel already knew me: i had sharp eyes and a sharp tongue. i quickly pretended to agree, and swore to heaven that i would never laugh at them.

so, the next night, i came to this home with some cheap flowers and met the legendary great translators "li wenjun and zhang peifen". as soon as i entered the door, the old couple was already waiting for me. first, the old lady cheered: "you are so tall! so beautiful!" she performed the expression of astonishment very well.

the old gentleman looked at me with a smile, as if he was in love at first sight. after greeting me and asking me to take a seat, the old gentleman personally handed me the chocolate and red wine he had prepared, and said that the meal would be served soon. i thought he was indeed very western and gentlemanly, so i quickly flattered him, "can i admire your collection first? this room of bottles and jars are so beautiful!" then i glanced at the silly angel and laughed silently until he trembled. when the old gentleman heard that i had the same hobby as him, he became more and more excited. he took me to see this and that, and personally took out his things to introduce them to me. i showed the qualities of a first-class actor, which made him very happy. he gave me a small gilded bronze buddha from the tang dynasty on the spot. of course, he thought that his collections were all real and had cost a lot of money. i was not a person who would kill fun, so i quickly accepted it with many thanks.

during the meal, the three of us chatted very happily. i forgot what the topic was, but i just remember that silly angel was amused by the three of us and couldn't stop laughing. in my eyes, the dishes were very simple and tasteless, but the old man kept praising them: "zhang peifen's cooking skills are really showing off today!" i thought to myself that i was lucky to be his wife, he was so easy to deal with.

after dinner, the silly angel went to wash the dishes. at this time, two elderly people with white hair and trembling body came to me together. the old man handed the old lady a small blue velvet box. the old lady opened it, held it in both hands and said she would give it to me. i saw that it was the jade ring i had always dreamed of. such a large full green old pit jade ring face was inlaid on a k gold ring. i had a sharp eye. i knew it was the real thing without a second glance. i stood up quickly in fear. i couldn't accept it. how could i refuse? my mind was not working. after a long time, i said: "this should be given to my daughter. it can't be given to anyone casually. this is very precious!" the old lady said: "yes, this is a gift from my mother. from today on, you are my daughter." i was stunned on the spot and murmured: "then i will keep it for you first." the two of them smiled brightly at once, as if they would still give it to me even if i ran away, without any suspicion or hesitation. the silly angel came out after washing the dishes at this time, and looked at the three of us with a childish pride on his face, as if bringing me home was a satisfactory gift for my parents.

i looked stupidly at the three of them, who were so happy about my arrival, and at this long old house, the old furniture under the dim light, the neatly arranged books on the shelves, the strange-shaped bottles and jars everywhere... i seemed to have returned to a space from a hundred years ago, old and vicissitudes of life, but filled with the pure breath of the years.suddenly, i felt sad. the two gentlemen were no longer the stars and moons i looked up to. they were just two old men who entrusted their children to me.。

at that moment i remembered the sentence in the avatamsaka sutra:it is not based on love, but on compassion to make others give up love.。”

on the way home when the silly angel sent me, in order to hide my inner turmoil, i said to him with a smirk as soon as i went out: "none of the antiques in your house are older than your parents." the silly angel laughed until his shoulders shook. he didn't mind at all that i broke my promise, so i made him laugh more unscrupulously all the way.

arriving at my own little nest, i opened the little blue velvet box that was at least a hundred years old, took out the emerald ring, and gazed at it respectfully... i guess i have to treat the silly angel seriously. i like him very much, but i haven't thought about it, and i don't want to think about anything else, and he must not know that there is anything else.

the next day i asked the silly angel: "how did we two know each other?"

"blind date."

"what is the purpose of a blind date?"

"marry."

"before we get married, do you want me to be your good friend or your girlfriend?"

“is there any difference?”

so i, who rarely speaks well, patiently explained to him the different ways of getting along as good friends and girlfriends, and told him in detail about my specific conditions. he seemed to understand and said solemnly that he should think about it. for the first time in my life, i felt that my pride as a woman was hurt. there was actually someone who wanted to "consider" me. i gave him three days to think about it, but then i changed my mind and changed it to three hours. i looked at the watch and told him that the timer started at 10 o'clock in the evening, then i threw down my phone and went to wash up and go to bed.

when i woke up, i saw the message on wechat. it was a message sent by silly angel at three in the morning: "let's be my girlfriend." with these five words, i felt his determination to gamble his life. although it took him two more hours to consider it, he still stayed up all night for this. how touching!

he started to clumsily chat with me on wechat according to the model i taught him. i actively cooperated and guided him, but i didn't expect that when we met three days later, he would say to me: "get the certificate." i was scared again.

"what certificate?"

"marry."

i didn't respond. i just wanted to pretend to be your girlfriend first, and then do all kinds of weird things. someone like you would be scared to death in three days. i didn't expect that the more absurd i was, the happier he was. even his facial expressions became richer. he never spoke a word, but now he can interact with me in two or three words. but every time we meet, the words "get a marriage certificate" and "get married" are repeated over and over again. i can't get him to stop talking, so i have to ask him to take me to meet his parents again. i can't explain it to him. i have to give an explanation to the old man and don't delay his child.

the next day, i prepared a speech and entered the house for the second time in the early afternoon. the old man came to meet me, his eyes bright and full of expectation, his face filled with joy from the bottom of his heart. i didn't dare to look him in the eye, nor did i dare to speak first. he sat on a swivel chair near the balcony desk, calm and at ease. i sat beside him, not looking at his face.

finally, i mustered up the courage to point at the silly angel and said to him: "what if he proposes to me when he sees me now?" the old man replied calmly: "aren't you two going to get married?" i said hesitantly: "but we have only known each other for a month, it's too fast." he immediately said: "not fast, he has been looking for you for more than 40 years." i was stuck, thinking that the silly angel's failure to marry a wife was all my fault. seeing me stunned, he patted my arm and said: "don't worry, he is not a bad person." i said: "then aren't you afraid that i am a bad person?" he said seriously: "you can write so well, so you can't be that bad. don't worry, i can read it." my heart was in turmoil and i was speechless. he was silent for a moment. at this time, his swivel chair turned around, his face was facing my profile, and he sat on the chair and bowed to me with a moderate depth: "i'm sorry for wronging you." his tone was light, but it hit me all at once, and i suddenly burst into tears and turned my head away... what else could i say, what else could i do, i forgot all the words i had prepared the moment i saw him.

this article is excerpted from

my wenjun dad

author: ma xiaoqi

publisher: shanghai literature and art publishing house

publication year: 2024-7