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parenting is not a "one-man battle" for the mother, and the father's participation cannot be a "luxury" - on the eve of the start of school, hangzhou caihe middle school held a "good dad parents' meeting" and invited fathers of first-year junior high school students to participate. it also issued the "ten rules for good dads", advocating that they actively participate in family education, maintain attention and patience with their children, communicate regularly, and jointly formulate and abide by rules.

image from the wechat public account of "hangzhou caihe middle school"

"the vast majority of fathers are not unable to spare the time, but lack the awareness of actively accompanying their children and the understanding of the way to raise children." a commentary in the beijing youth daily pointed out that advocating for fathers' participation is to let them intervene more and stimulate the "father energy" of family education. the paper (www.thepaper.cn) has noticed that more and more schools are using activities such as parent-teacher conferences, open days, sports meets, and teaching assistants exclusively for fathers to guide fathers to better "perform their duties" in the process of their children's growth.

“only fathers are allowed to attend and are not allowed to take leave”

"most of the students with good comprehensive abilities in the class are accompanied by their fathers" and "some students with poor resilience and weak emotional stability often have absent fathers," according to the "metro express" report. before the "good dads parent-teacher meeting", teachers at hangzhou caihe middle school who serve as both fathers and class teachers collectively analyzed the importance of fathers in family education.

"according to feedback from front-line teachers and class teachers, fathers' involvement in children's education is generally lower than that of mothers, and the 'pillars' should clearly define the role and responsibilities of the father in parenting issues." vice principal hu hengheng said, however, not all fathers have the ability to guide their children well, and hoped to conduct "beginning education" through "dads' parent-teacher meetings" to let them know how to understand the physical and psychological changes of their children in junior high school and accompany their children through it smoothly.

in order to attend the parent-teacher meeting, several students' fathers rushed back from other places. one of them was on a business trip in fujian and took the bullet train back to hangzhou. after the meeting, he grabbed a ticket to return to complete his work.

more and more schools have chosen fathers as the protagonists of parent-teacher conferences. in november 2020, the fourth grade of weidou primary school in beilun district, ningbo held a parent-teacher conference, requiring fathers to attend. at the end of last year, the "parent open day" of the upper elementary school department of ciji experimental school in cixi city, zhejiang province required fathers to come to school as much as possible. nearly 90% of the fathers of fifth and sixth grade students participated in the parent-teacher conference and parent-child sports meeting, and received family cards with "dad's strengths" and "what i most want to say to my father". last year, hangzhou pengbo primary school invited fathers of first and second grade students to attend the parent-teacher conference. among the 240 second grade students, 191 fathers were present. the school asked them to complete a "knowing children questionnaire" to test their understanding of their children. there were ten questions, each worth 10 points. 80 people scored less than 60 points, and the lowest score was 10 points.

"dad open day" and "dad assistant teacher" are also the choices of many schools. last november, the second experimental primary school in yanliang district, xi'an city, launched the "smart dad enters the classroom", and 14 fathers from various industries took the stage. last december, the parent open day of binhe primary school in laixi city, qingdao proposed that "only fathers are allowed to participate, and no leave is allowed". dads made pasta and played games with the children. hangzhou shentangqiao kindergarten recruited a "dad sports team" and fathers took turns to lead the morning exercises of each class. in april this year, in the "dad enters campus" activity of wangjiafan town central kindergarten in yidu city, hubei province, fathers told the middle-class children about "seed germination" and conducted safety education.

survey shows that two-thirds of families are mainly responsible for homework tutoring by mothers

"dad takes care of the baby and the other can do whatever he wants," "one looks at a tablet and the other plays with a phone, they enjoy themselves and don't disturb each other" ... on social platforms, you can often see women complaining about their husbands taking care of the baby.

the results of the "fourth survey on the social status of chinese women" organized and implemented by the all-china women's federation and the national bureau of statistics in 2020 show that only 7.5% of chinese families have both parents taking care of their children, and only 11.7% of them jointly undertake educational activities. 67.5% of the homework tutoring for children aged 0 to 17 is mainly undertaken by mothers. they not only have to take care of their children's food and daily life, but also bear most of the family education responsibilities: choosing schools for admission, choosing interest classes, forming habits, parent-child reading, daily learning, future planning...

"the reason for the lack of fatherhood is that, on the one hand, fathers are influenced by traditional concepts and believe that educating children is a woman's and school's business. they lack the awareness of active participation or do not know how to interact with their children. children are busy browsing their phones or watching tv around them." a report in "chinese women" magazine last year analyzed that, on the other hand, in the traditional family model, fathers mainly appear as "economic pillars", which is more obvious in low-income families. the "996" work rhythm in cities often forces fathers to devote more energy to work. some fathers lack reasonable parenting knowledge and methods and simply transfer the burden to the mother.

"the sequelae of fatherlessness have already shown up in children's growth: cautiousness, timidity, lack of self-confidence, poor motor skills, etc." the above report pointed out that in early childhood, the mother's care can give children a sense of security, while the father's role as a role model is even more important in adolescence. the father's company can enable children to have stronger hands-on skills, rational analysis ability of things, as well as creativity and sense of responsibility.

in the opinion of chen qi, a psychological teaching and research fellow in hangzhou's xihu district, when it comes to academic studies, children most need to be determined and understand why they are studying, and fathers can play a key role in this regard. mothers are sometimes more emotional in their children's education, and fathers also need to act as "emotion stabilizers."

"mothers should also encourage fathers to participate in child-rearing. women have different ways of thinking and personality traits from men. they tend to pay more attention to details and cannot tolerate fathers' carelessness in raising children. they are prone to complain about their husbands or even leave their husbands to take on everything." the report in "chinese women" believes that mothers may wish to think more about the benefits of having fathers raising children, make more use of their fathers' strengths in sports, hands-on ability, interpersonal communication, etc., give them trust and praise, cooperate with each other, and learn from each other's strengths and weaknesses.