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i didn't take advantage of my father

mouth tube smile

after the results of the college entrance examination came out, i did worse than usual on the mock test. i had just passed the first test, and it was not very safe to fill out the application form for major universities in beijing. after discussions with teachers and parents, i applied for shandong university as my first choice.

i was very frustrated at the time. our class was a top class, and many of my classmates passed tsinghua university, peking university, and fudan university. my frustration also came from being unable to face my father. i knew that he had high expectations for me since he was a child, and his regrets were greater than mine. even more so.

but my father didn't say anything to me. he just said that there were many relatives in his hometown in shandong, and he could feel more at ease if someone could take care of him.

when school started, he and his mother sent me to jinan together. when my father left, he said to me: "xiaoxiao, you must study hard. people who are willing to work hard can shine no matter where they are."

in 2000, i became a student at the school of foreign languages, shandong university.

leaving home, leaving the arms of my parents, college life is completely new to me. being freed from the military-style life of high school, giving me a lot of personal space, i always feel that i need to use this time do something, and the first idea that came into my mind was to write a novel.

i have always been fond of literature. under the influence of my father, i also read a lot of books and got to know many contemporary famous writers. i don’t expect that i can achieve the same level of accomplishments as my father, but writing is always the one thing that i am relatively sure of within my abilities.

thinking back to the gloomy days of my senior year in high school, i felt like i was living in a dark cave every day, listening to my own shouts echoing in the void. i had too many emotions that needed to be vented, so i conceived a story about a girl who started from her senior year in high school. the story from grade school to college incorporates a lot of my own emotional experience. it is called "a chewing dog" and has about 190,000 words. i wrote it on and off for a semester, but i never told my father about it.

i always feel that my writing must be childish and immature in the eyes of my father. he is a person who is very strict with people and things, especially when it comes to writing. i really don’t have the courage to write such immature things. throw something to your father.

later, my father learned from my mother that i had written a novel and offered to help me check it. i showed the manuscript to him anxiously. my father read the 190,000-word manuscript line by line and said lightly: "it's okay."

little did i know, these two words that came out of my father’s mouth were a great encouragement to me. he never praises me harshly. if he says it's okay, then it must not be terrible. i gained a little confidence and thought that since i had written so many words, i might as well vote for it.

i asked my father which publishing house would be suitable for me to apply for. my father said, "chunfeng literature and art publishing house seems to be publishing a series of campus literature. you should try it." then i chose chunfeng literature and art publishing house, and the book was published successfully. , i did not take advantage of my father.

even if i am mo yan's daughter, if what i write is a bunch of rubbish, why should people accept it?

but now i don’t dare to go back and read this book. once i read it, i felt that many of my ideas at that time were very naive. i don’t know if my father’s original sentence of “it’s okay” made sense. it's out of preference for his daughter.

during my four years at shandong university, my father came to the school to visit me three or four times, but those were all when he came to the school to give lectures.

at that time, i was admitted to shandong university, and the school took this opportunity to invite my father to become a visiting professor at shandong university. every time after my father gave a lecture and entertained the school's reception, he would come to my dormitory alone, look at this, touch that, see the thickness of my bedding, and the stacking of items in the room.

when the weather is cold, he will remind me: "this quilt seems a bit thin. is it cold when you sleep at night? dad will make a bed for you later." when the weather is hot, he will remind me: "don't blow the electric fan all night, it is easy to if you catch a cold, especially don't blow it on your head, it will give you a headache." then he asked me to take him to the cafeteria for a meal to see if our food was rich and nutritious.

in my eyes, my father is just one of millions of fathers who love their daughters. his exhortations, worries and even nagging are all natural manifestations of his love for his daughters, and he is no different from millions of other fathers who love their daughters.

i am naturally proud of his achievements, but regardless of all the fame and aura, we are just an ordinary father and daughter.

when i was studying in college in shandong, my father and i had a little hobby, which was exchanging letters. although communication is becoming more and more developed now, i always feel that letters are a very simple medium, and the emotions they can carry are also simple and heavy.

when i was a sophomore in college, i suddenly wanted to write a calligraphy letter to my father. i immediately ran to the stationery store and bought some rice paper that cost 40 to 50 cents a piece, picked up the calligraphy brush and started writing seriously. it took me a lot of effort to write a letter of several hundred words. after the ink dried, i folded the letter in a square shape and sent a thick stack to my father. later i found out that my father was so moved by my "whim" that he posted the letter on the wall of the living room and stood there to read and savor it every day after dinner. every time a guest comes to the house, he will be surprised to ask about this letter, and his father will pretend to be very calm and answer the guest: "yes, this is what my daughter wrote to me."

when the guests admired and praised him for having a thoughtful and well-behaved daughter, he didn't say anything, but his expression showed uncontrollable pride.

my father often used a soft brush to reply to my letters. his calligraphy skills were beyond my reach. every time i receive a letter from my father, i carefully unfold it and see the lines of beautiful regular script, which are strong, powerful, smooth and natural. i feel a sincere sense of pride, and i can't help but show it off to my classmates.

my classmates often thought that my dad was an art teacher when they saw the professional writing on the envelope.

when i was a senior in college, due to my outstanding performance, i was recommended by my school teachers to the school of liberal arts of tsinghua university to continue my master's degree. the dream that was not completed four years ago has come full circle and has finally come true.

i am happy, both for myself and for my father. i know that this is his wish; and it is my wish to make him happy. as a graduate student, i chose comparative literature, which is a very eye-opening major and very interesting to learn.

when i was writing my master's thesis, i asked my father for advice very seriously. when i was in junior high school and high school, my father never gave me chinese language guidance, because according to china's exam-oriented education, most of his works were full of bad sentences. .

and now, he can finally speak freely to me in the areas he is good at. finally, i chose salman rushdie, an indian-born english writer, for my thesis. since there were very few translated materials about this writer in china, when i wrote my thesis, most of the materials were obtained from national maps. borrowed original foreign language version.

my father’s english was not good. when he saw that i had brought back a full page of english materials, he knew that he could not help much anymore, so he had no choice but to say to me with some helplessness: “then you should write well.” however, my father was very cautious. i have always been very concerned about the progress of my thesis. i used bakhtin's polyphony theory in my thesis. when my father heard that i was reading bakhtin, he also followed bakhtin's polyphony theory and "studies on rabelais". read it again.

my graduation thesis, "non-dispersion and transcendence—salman rushdie's home writing", was ultimately not rated as an excellent paper due to a negative vote, but i am very satisfied with it. i think this is a satisfactory explanation for my three years of studying at tsinghua university.

in the past three years, my thoughts and personality have slowly broadened and become more harmonious, like a small leaf that was originally curled up and slowly unfolded itself in a generous atmosphere. i am becoming more mature and understand my father better and better.