on national day that year, white shirt and black leather shoes
2024-10-01
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□snow sakura
in my limited memory, the national day belongs to gold, not the golden paint on the scroll, but the rolling waves of golden wheat. at a glance, it looks like an endless river, splashing noisy waves, and dancing together. while lying down, he breathed out the refreshing fragrance.
i have a deep-rooted preference for white shirts, stemming from the sense of ritual they carry. in 1998, i was in the sixth grade of elementary school. not long after school started in september, the school was busy preparing for a cultural performance to celebrate the national day, asking each grade and club to submit a program. the finale was when my school choir sang "today is your birthday" and "singing the motherland". during that time, the program was rehearsed every afternoon after school. from the division of male and female vocal parts, to the formation, movements, and expressions, the rehearsals were meticulous. a few days later, the teacher issued a notice to prepare costumes for the performance. men and women should wear white shirts and black shoes. girls should wear blue school uniform skirts, and boys should wear black pants and red bow ties.
that weekend, when i came home from school, i heard my father's loud voice as soon as i went upstairs, and i stepped into the door of my house in one quick step. staring at the pig's trotters, chicken feet and sugar-roasted chestnuts on the table, i didn't bother to take off my schoolbag and couldn't help but reach out and pinch a chestnut. the chestnuts were hot and popped open as soon as i pinched them. the golden chestnut kernels were sweet and doughy. after eating three of them in one go, i remembered to ask my father why he came back so early. "i'm busy at the hotel during the holidays. i'll take a long-distance bus back tomorrow morning." after hearing the last sentence, i felt a little disappointed.
i told the teacher about preparing clothes, and my father immediately replied: "others have it, so do we, just buy it." early the next morning, he postponed his return and took me straight to hualian commercial building on his bicycle. . i usually go to hualian with my friends to hang out on weekends, but this time i was a little at a loss when buying clothes for myself. the ones that look good and that you like are not cheap.
when i was in a dilemma, the shopping guide came over and saw that i was tall and fair-skinned. he recommended a fashionable shirt with lace edges, a doll collar, and small flowers embroidered on the wrist. after trying it on, it fit well and was elegant, and looked very fashionable. . looking in the mirror, i hesitated for a long time, and my palms became sweaty. my father stood aside, as if he had a glimpse of my thoughts. he walked through the rows of neat clothes hangers and went straight to the cashier. his thin back cast a halo under the burning light.
"you should spend the money you make, and earn after you spend it! just don't tell your mother when you go home!" it was the third year since my parents were laid off, and they lived a very frugal life. my father worked outside to earn money and often came home only once every few months. whenever he bought something, he would always say less about the price in front of his mother. as time passed, my mother became tacitly aware of it. that beautiful white shirt covered most of the family's food expenses for half a month, but it implanted a little girl's beauty and confidence in my life.
on the day i went to the auditorium for the rehearsal, i couldn't wait to put on my new shirt and stood in the first row of the chorus line. surrounded by the envious eyes of my classmates, i felt indescribably proud. however, my black leather shoes were called out by the teacher. those shoes belonged to my mother, so i thought they would be inconspicuous on my feet, so i made do with them. when i got home in the evening, i lost my temper at my mother, put my homework aside, and thought about it, with tears flowing silently.
mother turned around and went out. when she came back, it was already past 22 o'clock, carrying a rectangular shoe box in her hand. she took out two women's pointed leather shoes from the box, squatted down and put them on for me one by one. i stood there, unable to walk for a while. this pair of shoes has obviously not been worn much. at first glance, they look like two boats, but after a second look, they feel a little cute.
only later did i find out that the pair of black leather shoes belonged to the grandmother of fangfang, a classmate and neighbor in the compound. fangfang is short and her leather shoes are also small. she puts on her mother's low-heeled black leather shoes and sways around as she walks. in her words, fortunately, she only wears them for half a day. if she wears them for a whole day, she would have fallen a lot! her grandmother is a university professor, and her clothes are more fashionable than her daughter. her leather shoes are neither too big nor too small for me, but they are a little awkward.
in fact, on the day of the rehearsal, the students wore a variety of black leather shoes, including black sports shoes, black casual shoes, and many boys even wore their father's round-toed shoes. the black shoe polish was polished, but it smelled bad. it looks a bit funny.
there was a three-day holiday during the national day that year, and the school held a cultural performance in the afternoon of the day before the holiday. we finished class early at noon, went home and grabbed a few bites of food. we then went to the auditorium to put on makeup and walk on stage for the last time. before going out, i asked my mother for 5 yuan. my shirt had no pockets, so i folded the money into four squares and stuffed it into the gap between the suspenders of my skirt. i planned to buy a box of ice cream after the performance.
wearing a lace white shirt, a blue school uniform skirt, white stockings and black leather shoes, i didn't think it was anything special at the time. when i grow up, i recall that it is nothing more than a spiritual film from my childhood. that was also the last time i wore a school uniform skirt. the skirt was almost white after washing, and it was a little tight on the upper back. the skirt i made in the third grade could no longer hold my body that expanded like a bud.
it has to be said that national day is an exciting spiritual moment. when you stand in the center of the stage and open your mouth to sing, a flame is instantly ignited deep in your heart, rising upward, blazing, hot, and emitting dazzling light. the ignited flame warms the body, making people unable to extricate themselves from an intense emotion. the light from everyone merged into a shining silver ribbon, and the stage turned into a boiling ocean. every moving wave was a sculpture of love, responding to the call of this land.
at that moment, i had an epiphany: the expression of patriotism is not all about great narratives, but more about the gratitude of small waves to the ocean. as sung in the lyrics, white doves, golden ears, and olive leaves symbolize peace, abundance and tranquility. climbing the ladder of singing, beautiful blessings are sent to the distance.
the art performance was over and we were lining up to leave. the sound of footsteps on the auditorium floor was as dense as a torrential rain, disrupting the rhythm. especially those male classmates wearing father's black leather shoes staggered, and the blush on their faces faded. , causing the female classmates to burst into laughter.
walking out of the auditorium door, i subconsciously touched the strap of my skirt, "it's broken, the money is gone!" i broke out in a sweat, turned around and ran back to look for it. many people were clearing the stage. after looking for seats, i looked for the backstage, jumped on the stage and patrolled back and forth, but ultimately came back without success. the ice cream was ruined, and the excitement just now was gone.
when i was almost home, the stalls at the entrance of the compound were crowded with people. some were selling melon seeds, peanuts, and sesame candies, some were waiting to make freshly made candied haws, and there were old craftsmen making balloons, making clay figurines, making hoops, and performing magic tricks. i got in. the crowd was watching, and it was addictive.
on the national day that year, there were no shopping, dinner parties, or watching movies. a trip to jinniu park was a very satisfying thing. my female classmate and i made an appointment to go to the bookstore to buy books, and we visited laodongmen on the way. on the edge of the moat, everyone held a bunch of honey and ate it with joy, until it was sweet to their hearts.
later, fangfang went abroad to study, settled there and got married after graduation. she gave birth to a second child a few years ago. perhaps, she has long forgotten the white shirt and black leather shoes at the national day performance that year, and the embarrassing incident of many classmates borrowing black leather shoes that night. however, as she grows older, the reflection of her memory will one day come to her door. brighten up the mottled past of childhood bit by bit.
(the author of this article is a young writer born in the 1980s in jinan, a member of the chinese writers association, a member of the chinese prose society, and a member of the jinan cppcc)
