news

when migrant workers are discussing and going through time off and are looking forward to the national day holiday, the first thing that comes to mind for parents of preschool children must be various travel plans with their children. at the same time, memories of the hardships of traveling with children in the past flooded back. it seems that no matter how far in advance you prepare yourself physically and mentally, traveling with a baby will always leave you with a sense of guilt.

it is no exaggeration to say that before my son was three years old, i was extremely nervous every time i took him on public transportation. before traveling, i will repeatedly check whether he has all the necessary supplies. in addition to water bottles, diapers, and spare clothes, the most important things are toys and snacks that can distract him in an uneasy environment.

he was barely two years old when i took him on a plane for the first time. according to regulations, children under two years old do not have separate seats and need to share a seat in the arms of an adult. on that trip, i saw a baby safety belt for the first time. checking my baggage, going through security check, and arriving at the satellite hall before boarding the plane were already exhausting efforts. looking at this unfamiliar seat belt, i chose to stay where i was and was rescued by the stewardess.

that two-hour flight was the longest flight i have ever experienced. in order not to let my son disturb other passengers, i chose the aisle seat so that his legs would have slightly more room to move and he would complain less about discomfort. considering that changes in air pressure can cause ear discomfort, i prepared snacks in advance that i would never eat at home so that i could rely on chewing to relieve the discomfort. i also reduced the amount of water i drank to avoid taking him to the narrow bathroom. about twenty minutes before the plane landed, because he felt his center of gravity moving downwards and gradually returning to the ground, he asked me pitifully after having been in the cramped space for a hundred minutes: "mom, is it okay if i don't want this belt? i can't run." far away." since the stewardess had warned him in a law enforcement tone many times when he passed by, and for safety reasons, i could only refuse his request and promised to give him a hawthorn stick after getting off the plane.

the various challenges during the flight are actually foreseeable. after controlling the child's volume and movement space, the rest is to rely on the energy and persistence driven by responsibility. but there is also much invisible discrimination that is difficult to predict.

after my son was three years old, we once departed from chengdu airport. when i paid special attention to check in in advance and select seats, the staff at the airport baggage check-in counter suddenly told me that due to various reasons, my son and i had to wait until the airport was full. they were assigned to two seats more than fifteen rows apart. i was stunned for five seconds, then immediately picked up my son who was still sick and coughing, and asked the person sitting comfortably behind the counter: "are you going to let him sit alone the whole time?" the other person avoided my question after seeing the child, but he still insisted that the flight was full and he couldn't adjust the seat through the system. he asked me to find other passengers to change my seat after getting on the plane. but these are not the most uncomfortable moments for me.

just when i was angry and helpless, a woman in line behind me to check in my luggage suddenly said in a voice that could be heard clearly within a five-meter radius: "why can't it be done? people have told me that i can't change it. children can’t understand and adults can’t understand either?”

unsurprisingly, no cabin crew offered to help once on board. i explained the reason to the male passenger next to me in an almost begging tone, hoping he would understand and move to a seat a dozen rows back. fortunately, the other party readily agreed, and the crisis was temporarily relieved. while i thanked the man who walked to the back row, i held my son’s hand and let him sit in the hard-earned middle seat. when i was helping him fasten his seat belt, i accidentally made eye contact with the passenger next door by the window. she looked up and down at my son's age and condition. after initially confirming that this was not a noise time bomb, she put it on. earphone.

in the past few years as a new parent, i have also tried other means of transportation, and the high-speed rail is relatively friendly. passengers with strollers can check in in advance from a special entrance while waiting for ticket check-in. children under six years old do not need to purchase a ticket if they do not need a separate seat.

there is limited space for movement on the plane, so taking care of yourself will probably mean everything will be fine. the high-speed rail travel time is relatively longer, and the number of picture books, toys, and potential uncontrollable environmental factors that need to be prepared will increase proportionally. this means that no matter how carefully prepared a group with children is, it is still difficult to maintain absolute silence. later, i gradually understood that the sound of the "peppa pig" cartoon continuously played on tablet computers in many carriages may have been the lowest volume that parents who are exhausted can maintain in the carriage.

"you can't touch here..."

"you can't go in here..."

"don't pick up stones in the pool..."

……

i don’t know when, these words have become my common parenting words. i am afraid that a certain behavior my son will do unconsciously will attract others’ contempt, and i am afraid that his unforeseen crying will disturb others’ rest. when i go out with my children, i always have an insoluble sense of original sin, as if we are labeled as terrorists whenever we appear in any orderly situation. once this label is confirmed due to behaviors such as crying, a moral condemnation and capital punishment imposed by adults will immediately come.

in the eyes of preschoolers who are not yet literate, many rules rely on common graphic symbols. for example, at the entrance of the park, there is a slash symbol and a puppy on the eye-catching yellow sign. when children see it, they will immediately understand that puppies cannot enter this park. i once deeply believed in this social management method consisting of a prohibited list.

until i once traveled abroad and was queuing up to check in at a hotel. there was a row of one-meter-high cabinets in the lobby seating area, filled with comic children's books with many pictures and few words. my son suddenly came over and took my hand and asked, "mom, i didn't say it couldn't be done. can it be done?" i was stunned because this was a philosophical question. he asked again: "there are no pictures here that you can't reach out. can i take a book from the cabinet and read it?" that was the first time i felt that my original sin had subtly affected the child's psychology.

encouraging childbirth, developing childcare, reducing personal tax burdens... whenever these issues come into my field of vision, i am grateful for this top-down care. but when it comes to the general public, there are still incidents of one-year-old girls being "educated" by strangers alone. each of us has not been a perfect child, but this does not affect our freedom to receive tolerance and care.

(the author is a practitioner in the financial industry in shenzhen)

• (the "hi, southern weekly" column of southern weekend app is looking forward to your contributions. submission email: [email protected])

sasan

editor-in-chief wen cuiling