sun xiaofang: sister ayun’s smile
2024-09-07
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sister ayun's rosy smile hides the blue in her heart.
when sister ayun smiles, her whole body turns red.
it’s like when i was a kid and there was a power outage at home, and there was a warm red flame on the candle my parents lit.
the first time i met her, we were both still young. later i learned that she had just divorced. she was more mature than me and understood the ways of the world better, while i just loved to stay at home and watch dvd movies every day, write so-called film reviews after watching them, and post them on the forum. we met at a movie viewing party organized by a film forum. in fact, we knew each other on the forum a long time ago. when we met in real life for the first time, she smiled warmly but lightly when she saw me, pointed at me and said, "you are so-and-so, i finally meet you in person." at that event, she treated everyone like this, giving everyone a warm but light smile and greeting them, which was inconsistent with my impression of her online.
i love to read her film reviews, her writings are calming. she knows all about old shanghai movies. from her stories, i learned that zhou xuan's original name was su pu, and she sang so many popular songs with her golden voice; there was a director named fei mu who made a film about the inner depression of intellectuals in 1948, "spring in a small town", which has been highly praised in the history of world cinema.
she particularly likes the movie "early spring in february" starring sun daolin. she is very familiar with the life in the jiangnan water town depicted in the movie. she has written about such a small town: the simple but smart residents, the small river running through the town and the round and high stone bridge, as well as the aroma of rice filling the alley at mealtime and the fresh food that never stops all year round.
at that time, i didn't like talking to people, and my face said "don't bother me". seeing sister ayun greet everyone with a smile and talk to everyone, i felt a little disdainful. but she has a special charm, and i love talking to her. we added each other on qq, and we chatted day and night for a while, talking about shanghai in movies and life. i became more and more familiar with her. i said that she was red in life, the kind of red like candlelight. she seemed to be so familiar with everyone and so good to everyone. but when dealing with people, the heat is like candlelight, only illuminating one's own small space and not going deep. as soon as i turned around, the temperature dropped.
i think her heart is blue. i have seen a science fiction short film called "qima blue", which tells the story of a robot artist whose signature work is to paint a not-so-bright, but somewhat deep blue in the depths of the universe, accompanied by the stars.
sister ayun seems to have such a touch of blue in her heart. she was born in an ancient water town in the suburbs of shanghai and has a deep attachment to this land since childhood, but i can feel that she wants to leave the town and go to shanghai to find the traces of zhou xuan and zhang ailing.
she likes to interact with people and is willing to share her smile with everyone. when there are many people around, she will even laugh out loud. her laugh is unbridled and sincere. in shanghai dialect, it is a bit "idiotic". but that is just an appearance. she is really a blue person in her heart. she likes to be alone and keeps a distance from others. she is willing to write, not only about movies, but also about the stories of her hometown, about her love for it, but also about her boredom with it.
in real life, she always loves to smile when dealing with people. as she grows older, her smile becomes more and more enthusiastic. but only i know that her smile is actually more like a curtain that separates her from the outside world. the advantage of a curtain is that it is soft and beautiful, and it will not make the person separated feel uncomfortable.
i haven't seen her for a few years. but i know she has been writing, about her hometown, and about her leaving her hometown. the world she writes about is getting more and more exciting. i write about her not only because she is unique, but also because her sense of social distance is very "shanghai": she always treats people just right and rarely lets people enter her inner world.
when i saw her again, she still had a light red smile. i smiled too, and said to her, sister ayun, your smile is still like a curtain that separates the world, not wanting others to see the blue in your heart.
this time, she really smiled. (sun xiaofang)
