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Editor's note: On the morning of July 14, we invited Zhang Cong as a lecturer to conduct a psychological film viewing for 80 people. We were very moved that many friends even came from other provinces, including Inner Mongolia, Shanghai, Beijing, Henan, Hunan and other places.

Sincerely thank you for your trust in us. Today's article is written by [Blossoming Chestnut], a viewer who participated in the film viewing. You can also learn through the text what it is like to participate in a ground film viewing.

Audience speeches at the screening

I wonder if you have watched "Stop and Go" starring Hu Ge and Gao Yuanyuan?

I am a person who is slow to realize the truth. I only recently attended a movie viewing party to watch clips, then went home and watched the whole thing, and cried.

The small and tall self‍

When we were young, we all thought we were great and had high expectations for ourselves. When we grew up and were beaten by reality, we found that being an ordinary person was not easy. Just like Wu Di (played by Hu Ge) in the play, his ideal career was screenwriter, but in reality, he ended up being a taxi driver, which was completely different from his ideal.

There is no disrespect for the profession here, but there is a gap between ideal and reality. However, when self-reconciliation is achieved and one accepts that one can become an ordinary person, change occurs.

Just like the theme of the film Stop and Go, when we get enough rest during the "stop" process, we can go on, and perhaps we can pick up our ideals again, resume writing and become a screenwriter.

Stopping and going seem to be paradoxical and conflicting, but in fact, they are the same thing, just like the front and back sides of a coin.

This is also the same topic discussed by Father Wu and Mother Wu in the film: Is my child gold or shit?

In the theoretical framework of psychoanalysis, there are divisions such as the oral stage, the anal stage, and the Oedipal stage.

For children in the anal stage, feces are not a bad thing, but a creation of their own and a gift from the child.

This is just like Jung's personality theory, the shadow part of personality contains gold. When we accept our beautiful and ugly selves, we are complete.

Audience speeches at the screening

The ideal mother, sunny and careless

The mother in the play is rational, able to provide support to family members and integrate them into one. Although there are some imperfect parts, such as not pursuing her own career rationality and choosing an easy path, the relaxation she can give is more than many anxious and controlled mothers.

I asked the child, and he said that two-thirds of the parents in the school are anxious and controlling of their children, and only one-third of the parents can give their children space to grow. Teacher Zeng Qifeng said that we should be a sunny and careless mother. I agree with her.

Because mothers who are too controlling make their children take care of their feelings and emotions, they will suppress their perception of their own needs and easily satisfy the outside world while neglecting themselves. Psychoanalytic psychologist Winnicott also proposed a holding environment.

Perhaps, we may not meet a rational mother or a good partner when we grow up. We may also get different support in the process of getting along with others, and form new experiences to make up for some childhood deficiencies. If we really don’t have any, perhaps a psychological counselor, a life coach, some courses or books that change cognition can slowly make up for it.

Exquisite tea break at the movie viewing party

Only when mothers give up their power can fathers avoid being absent

In many families, the father is often absent because of the mother's dominance. In the movie, the father watches his family from the dark. The father's message to his children only appears at the end. Father's love is like a mountain, because it is silent and immovable. But in fact, the father also has his functions, otherwise the family triangle cannot form an equilateral triangle, but a right triangle, and the emotions will not flow smoothly.

The mother needs to give up power to the father to some extent. Even if the father does not do so well, or even a little clumsy. Love can be expressed in the clumsiness. I asked the child, do you think mom and dad love you? He said he did. It was because mom would tell him directly that she loves him and hug him. Dad did not express it in this way, so how did the child feel the love? He said, because dad sent him to class and accompanied him to get stamps. You see, the child can feel it in these little things.

At the same time, no matter how deep the connection with parents is, you will eventually leave them, separate from them, walk your own path, and become yourself. What parents can do is, as Long Yingtai said in "Back View", the so-called father-daughter and mother-son relationship only means that your fate with him is to keep watching his back gradually going away in this life. His back view silently told me that there is no need to chase.

Exquisite tea break at the movie viewing party

Death Anxiety in Life‍

Everyone has death anxiety. In the film, after the protagonist's mother died, relatives talked about introducing him to a girl to ease his fear of death. I have brushed shoulders with death many times since I was a child, such as falling into a lake, but later I learned to swim. This is a way of challenging death, defending against death, and telling it that I am not afraid of you.

On the contrary, as I get older, especially after the COVID-19 pandemic, I become afraid of death. Sudden heart pain can make me panic. In order to ease my anxiety about death, I read "Looking at the Sun" by existentialist psychologist Irvin Yalom, which helped me accept myself more. I started recording some new experiences every day to help me remember the present.

It was not until the death of a loved one that I once again fell into death anxiety.

According to grief theory, bereavement goes through five stages: denial (I deny the death of my loved one, he just fell asleep), anger (the hospital did not use the best treatment), bargaining (there are still unfinished business with the loved one), depression (the loved one is gone, but I can't do anything, a deep sense of powerlessness), acceptance (tell him at the grave, leave in peace, I will be fine, don't worry about me). I have experienced all of them, but I still haven't completely come out of it. I can only relieve the nerve pain in my body through the muscle pain of dancing, and the tiredness of dancing to relieve insomnia.

The teacher who led the film told us that when part of the personality of the departed person is absorbed by the living, it is healthy for the living person to continue living. I think I want to go back to my relatives' hometown to eat the food they have eaten, see the scenery they have seen, walk the path they have walked, and inherit their optimism and cheerfulness.

Conclusion:

To borrow the lyrics of the theme song "I'm Alive", is it a kind of courage to allow things to go against one's wishes? In the disappointment, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and walk and stop.

In this movie, we have already talked about ourselves, relationships, life and death. And we outside the movie, after the movie is over, continue our own bright or dark lives, and this brightness and darkness is only temporary, and we can live out our own variations.