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the movie "young diaries" was released in hong kong in november last year, and it is still winning so many awards.

some time ago, zheng zhongji seemed to have announced his retirement from the entertainment industry, so i watched this movie specifically. i also found out that the director and screenwriter zhuo yiqian was the screenwriter of "spl: the last victory", but unexpectedly, "diary of a young man" in 2023 made him famous.

after watching this movie, i had one thought in my mind:

the mainland should introduce this film. it is worth it for many parents to summarize their own educational philosophy after watching it, communicate more with their children, and understand their children's thoughts. maybe they will not regret it before they die like the father (played by zheng zhongji) in the movie.

like "under the sun", except for zheng zhongji, all the other leading and participating actors in "diary of a young man" are not well-known in the mainland, but the story is great. especially when the male protagonist cries while holding the diary after growing up, the audience like me will suddenly understand.

zheng zhongji changed the funny impression he usually left on me and played the role of a mean, selfish and cruel father to the fullest:

the scene where he beats his son with a stick while the family is having dinner, with close-ups of his wife and brother's micro-expressions, actually has a thrilling feel like that of a horror movie.

"diary of youth" is different from "dog thirteen". the latter adopts a more literary expression method, while "diary of youth" is straightforward and real, like a nail that pierces people's hearts.

the most painful thing is not the child jumping from a tall building, but people's memories of him many years later and the regret they feel when they wake up in an instant.

this is the punishment reserved for the living.

“1

teacher zheng accidentally discovered a suicide note, which was full of disgust for life and fear for his parents.

he reported the matter to the school, but the school leaders thought it was just a student complaining and didn't take it seriously. teacher zheng was different, he took it seriously.

during class, he kept looking at the students in the class, but he couldn't tell who wrote the suicide note. so he asked the class monitor to find out which student had behaved abnormally recently, but unfortunately the class monitor didn't know because the students usually played by themselves. teacher zheng realized the seriousness of the problem, but he had no idea what to do.

he is a very ordinary person, who studied, graduated, worked, and became a teacher. his attitude towards students has always been gentle, which has caused school leaders and even colleagues to complain about him to some extent. they believe that students need to be taught and managed. teacher zheng's "dilly-dilly" personality needs to be tempered.

mr. zheng is also very busy. he has to teach and deal with problems in his personal life:

when his girlfriend told him she was pregnant, mr. zheng panicked and got scared.

his father was seriously ill and lying in the hospital, and he had to visit him often, looking at this sloppy, decadent man.

this is mr. zheng's life in progress, but in his memory, he seems to have been a carefree person, and the father in front of him is a successful businessman who is full of strength and decisive behavior.

but not a good father.

therefore, the contrast between the father played by zheng zhongji in his prime and old age gradually becomes clearer as mr. zheng recalls the past. this is the memory of a child and also the memory of a life:

xiaojie was very scared at night because his father pulled him out of bed and beat him because he was reading comics.

his father still had some expectations for him at this time, so he thought it was a sin for him to read comics. he threw comic books at him and used report cards to pressure him. when other children played better in piano competitions, his father's face fell. he found a teacher for him and asked him to be better than other children.

xiaojie was very scared. he was afraid that his father would pick him up and beat him while he was eating, and he was even more afraid of his father's cold words to him.

xiao jie wanted to show off in front of his father. he said that he used the wrong english words, and his father called him "rubbish"... xiao jie didn't know why his father always hit him like this...

he is a child.

bystanders know that xiaojie's younger brother xiaojun is his father's hope. xiaojun is the legendary "other people's child", excellent in all subjects and great at everything he learns. his father hopes that xiaojun will become a lawyer or a doctor in the future. xiaojie becomes more anxious as he watches.

this feeling of depression made him still not learn well, and xiaojie failed a grade and became xiaojun's classmate. xiaojie knew he was wrong again, he tried very hard, but he just couldn't learn well. he thought that he was not worthy of his parents' care, and in fact his father did not care for him anymore.

he was not allowed to transfer schools, get pocket money, or travel abroad.

all he was left with was a beating and a word of "rubbish".

not only did his father beat him, he also beat his mother. when his mother cried, she would not hug xiaojie, but would tell him:

"if one day your father and i divorce, it's all because of you..."

xiaojie became even more anxious.

“2

let's see what xiaojie experienced before jumping off the building:

his father hired a female teacher for him, and that was xiaojie's emotional dependence. the female teacher was very gentle, and she would not scold him if xiaojie did not practice the piano well, but would guide him more gently.

xiaojie said to the female teacher, "i want to be a teacher when i grow up and treat students gently like a sister."

the female teacher liked to hear this, but his father didn't. he would only call xiaojie "rubbish". in his eyes, could the teacher afford a luxury house and a sports car? he wanted his child to become a lawyer or doctor in the future, so when xiaojie's piano practice didn't make much progress, he fired the female teacher and replaced her with a strict teacher.

xiaojie was scared, and he couldn't play the piano well or read well.

the father beat me even harder, saying, "if you don't do well, i will beat you until you do well."

xiaojie was afraid. he wrote his fear in his diary every day. he loved his father, mother and brother, and he didn't want them to be separated because of him. his love was cheap in the eyes of his parents. his brother xiaojun didn't care about his brother either. he just buried his head in homework and studying. every time his father scolded or beat his brother, he would study numbly.

xiaojie couldn't sleep every day. he was so anxious that he could only sleep for four or five hours. during the day, he was punished by the teacher for dozing off in class. the whole class laughed at him, and his brother laughed at him too. he cried. on the way back from his mother's house, he begged his mother to take him to see a psychiatrist, but his mother scolded him:

"people who go to the psychiatric department are all mentally ill. are you mentally ill?"

xiaojie was so scared that he didn't dare to speak.

he thought his father would continue to scold and beat him when he returned.

but he was wrong.

his father lay on the sofa and said to him:

"when you grow up, will you go to mcdonald's or kfc?"

xiaojie was stunned.

the father added:

"i will never scold you no matter what happens in the future, because you are trash and garbage."

then he continued reading the newspaper.

xiaojie didn't know what to do with the feather duster in his hand - he took it out on his own initiative to ask his father to "educate" him.

but his father's words became the last straw that broke the camel's back...

teacher zheng was crying bitterly at this time, holding a diary in his hand. it was xiaojie's suicide note left in the world, and also the broken trace of his brother who committed suicide at a young age.

teacher zheng is xiaojun from that year.

he suddenly remembered the night before his brother xiaojie jumped off the building, when he suddenly climbed onto the bed and hugged him tightly from behind. when he recalled it, he realized that it was a feeling of reluctance and despair. but at that time he just said sleepily:

"have you hugged me enough? i want to sleep..."

then, he lost his brother.

“3

in mr. zheng's recollection, his father became crazy. he kept whipping the wall and drinking to drown his sorrows all day long.

his mother also divorced him, hugged him and cried before leaving, and never came back.

but his family all told others that xiaojie died of illness, because once others knew that their son committed suicide, they were afraid that others would say something bad about the child, which was unacceptable to them as they were well-known and prominent people.

all of xiaojie's things were sealed up, including the diary.

teacher zheng found that he seemed to have changed since his brother's death. he no longer followed his father's wishes. he wanted to be a teacher to fulfill his brother's wish.

that day, xiaojun also heard what xiaojie said to the female teacher:

"i want to be a teacher when i grow up and treat my students gently like a sister."

xiaojie is the knot in the heart of xiaojun - teacher zheng. faced with his girlfriend's pregnancy, as a teacher, he is worried that he can't be a good father. after all, his father "killed" his child with his own hands. the accomplices are his mother, himself, and the teachers and classmates in the school.

they all said xiaojie was stupid and "trash".

after xiaojun became teacher zheng, he discovered:

in fact, some children really are not good at studying, so they are abandoned during their school years. everyone says they are "trash", but they obviously love their families and the world. because of a piece of transcript, they are treated as "trash" by the world.

when his elderly father was critically ill, teacher zheng rushed to the hospital.

he helped his father up, and his old father asked him:

"do you still remember your brother? i...can't quite remember what he looks like."

xiaojun said:

"i remember……"

the father and son hugged each other and cried bitterly.

my father went there too.

this social elite who used to dress well and behave properly would always tell everyone he met, "my family has very good upbringing..."

but in xiaojun's memory, after xiaojie left, his father also became sloppy.

his assistant told mr. zheng:

"your father talked about your brother, and then he cried. it was the first time i saw him cry..."

“4

teacher ma baoguo said:

"it's okay for you to watch videos, but don't just watch those spoof videos. don't just laugh, hahaha, hahaha all day long..." then netizens continued to make fun of him, and i followed suit with "hahaha, hahaha".

it seems that when everyone is expressing something, they can only say “hahahaha”.

when i read "diary of a young boy", i couldn't laugh anymore.

i remembered some news reports of children jumping off buildings after being scolded by their parents. i have also seen the video:

the child turned around and jumped without any hesitation.

later, someone said, "kids nowadays can't even be scolded..."

"diary of youth" showed me the whole process of a child from being innocent, happy and romantic to being restrained, confused and painful, and finally jumping off.

so i wonder, for some things, are we only seeing the surface?

the father's violence against his child in the film is not beating or scolding, but this sentence:

"i don't care what happens to you in the future. you are garbage."

before this, “why aren’t you as good at studying as others?” “i worked so hard to earn money to support your studies, and look at what you have achieved.” “look at other people’s children, and then look at yourself.”

i wonder if these words sound familiar to you?

when the movie shows xiaojie's death, it shows a frail back. he is sitting on the rooftop, and i am looking at him from behind. i don't know what he is thinking, but i seem to know what he is thinking.

many years later, when mr. zheng and his father opened xiaojie's belongings, they found that this child really loved them and the world. he liked to read comics and use the characters in the comics to inspire himself. he wanted to study hard just to make everyone smile when they looked at him.

it's all so humble.

i remember that kid really loved them...

but "diary of youth" also ends with "youth".