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Follow the official account, Xifeng Compass, to read the full text "Great changes are coming, what else can we do?"

Answer a question from a full-level reader.

He is a single man and said that after watching Xu Zheng's new movie, he has become even less confident about getting married.

Because he thinks that movies are of a guiding nature, and they usually make movies for you to watch in the hope that you will believe them.

For example, I hope you believe that after becoming a deliveryman, colleagues will help each other and love each other. Even if they are competitors, if you eat one more bite, I will have to eat one less bite.

For example, I hope you believe that even if you lose your job, your wife will never leave you. She will teach people to play drums, and even do toenails for rich ladies at night. You and I will help each other to maintain the family.

For example, I hope you believe that even if you have diabetes or are obese, you can still be strong and win the single crown.

But the problem is, he didn't believe it. He felt that Xu Zheng in the movie actually had a hypoglycemia attack and fell to the ground. He was already dead the moment the fish entered the Huangpu River. All the good things that happened afterwards were just his fantasy.

Just like the artistic expression in Stephen Chow’s old movie “The King of Comedy”.

To sum up, he felt that he had no confidence in marriage.

That's an interesting idea, so let me tell you what I think.

If you talk about it from a statistical perspective, what you are talking about is a high-probability event.

Husband and wife are birds of a feather, but when disaster strikes, more than 80% of them fly away separately. In the movies, perhaps only 20% of them stay together and overcome difficulties.

Shortly before the movie was broadcast, there was an incident that was hotly discussed online. It was about a full-time housewife in Hangzhou who posted a message asking for help from a certain emotional blogger.

She said that her husband used to earn 650,000 yuan a year, and she was a full-time mother of the second grade, and they afforded a townhouse in the West Lake District.

Two years ago, my husband lost his job and couldn't afford the mortgage, so he had to move into an old, run-down house in the city center that was only 50 square meters.

My husband will be 40 next year. In the two years since he was unemployed, he couldn’t find a job that paid more than $10,000 a month. He was devastated and depressed.

So, she wanted a divorce for four reasons.

1. My husband was born in 1985. He has no money and no career. His life is definitely over.

2. I am 35 this year. Although I have been taking care of my children, I have been working full-time for many years. I have taken good care of myself and still look pretty. If I don’t find another partner, my life will definitely be over.

3. Give your children a way out, no matter how hard life is. If you can’t expect your father to be successful, then expecting your stepfather is also a way out.

4. She already has a suitable candidate. During the two years when her husband was unemployed, she was proactive and made many contacts. She finally locked on the small boss of a wholesale market, who was 48 years old, divorced and had a daughter. He had a house, a car, a career and love. She had tried it all and they were suitable for each other.

So she has decided to divorce now, but she hopes not to leave the house with nothing. Instead, she hopes to get the old and small apartment as much as possible, and move into the new home with her child, the house, and the money.

But if I do this, my ex-husband will die and he will definitely not agree.

In other words, she asked, is there any way to make her ex-husband leave the house with nothing when he has not done anything wrong?

This emotional blogger is also very interesting. He didn’t answer but just asked, “You are not divorced, so it seems a little early to call him ex-husband, right?”

A very realistic story, much more interesting than the movie.

I am citing this incident not to criticize anyone. Although I am a man, I do not have a position.

On the contrary, I think this woman has clear thinking and is quite decisive.

She knows what she has (she is still pretty, but she is 35, not young anymore, and is under great time pressure. As the saying goes, the flower will wither soon if she doesn't find a buyer).

She knew what was wanted of her (she knew she was not capable of working, or that the hard life of a working woman was not what she wanted).

She knew clearly what she was willing to give up (she must have felt guilty about hurting her husband), but she overcame it. Her outlook on life was that she would rather die than let her friends die).

This point, basing one's own happiness on hurting others, is worthy of criticism, but she did not forget to take the child with her when she remarried, which shows that she still has a selfless side. At least she did not abandon her husband and the child at the same time.

Many times we don’t hear the truth because we simply don’t allow others to tell the truth.

So everyone wraps themselves in a mask and pretends to be what others expect them to be.

A few days ago, I took my wife and children to the grassland to enjoy the cool air. On the day of our return, at exactly four o'clock in the afternoon, we drove into Chengde City and found a restaurant to eat.

The store wasn't open yet. The earliest opening time was 4:30 in the evening. The store was dark. We found a table and sat down. Next to us were four women, who must have stayed over from the lunch party.

I guess they ate from noon to afternoon.

The four of them were talking there, talking about family matters and relationships between couples. One of the women was saying that she told her unemployed husband that if a man couldn't even support his wife and children, then he shouldn't get married. The other three girlfriends all agreed.

It was loud enough for us to hear it, including my son.

I told my son that this was a rare opportunity. As a man, it is very rare for you to have the opportunity to hear a woman speak like this, or to see this side of her.

Your mother wouldn't talk to you like that, nor would the female teachers you've ever met, and certainly not your female classmates.

But it doesn't mean that when there are only four women, people won't speak their true thoughts and talk about private matters.

Just like in a boys' dormitory, when there are only boys in the room, the boys will also have dormitory chats with each other.

So this is a rare opportunity, an opportunity to hear the truth.Don't rush to deny or accuse others, because if you do that, you won't be able to hear it.

Just like we once had a female reader leave a message saying that she found out her boyfriend was watching Japanese love action movies. Is this guy a pervert?

How do I answer this?

In my experience, at least during my undergraduate and graduate studies, among all the male classmates I met, there is not a single one I haven't seen before.

Of course, more people does not mean it is right, but first of all, we need to know what the proportion of incorrect opinions is and whether it is close to 100%.

Instead of rushing to put the blame on others.

Because once you rush to judge, you may mistakenly think that the wrong one is 1%.

In the end, one day, when you discover that nearly 100% of people are wrong and should be criticized, you will find that your initial anxiety was a misjudgment, a misjudgment of probability.

So I told my son that day that there are not many opportunities to hear the truth, and when you finally catch one, just listen quietly.Don't have preconceived ideas and draw subjective conclusions.

You rush to conclude that the four aunts at the next table are snobbish, but when you become a boss in the future, you will find that no one tells you the truth.

What I mean is that they all love the company, they all love you, and they will follow you even if they don’t get paid.

What is the truth? Not to mention a mere boss, even Saddam's personal guards were all well-fed diehards who usually shouted that they would live and die with their master, but once they found something wrong, they would run away within 24 hours.

This is the reality. Human nature in reality is complex and multifaceted. It is difficult to describe it using the stereotypes of good people or bad people.

So, by giving so many negative examples, am I trying to encourage this reader to have no confidence in marriage?

On the contrary, I think you should have confidence.

What is the nature of faith?

In other words, what are you confident about?

If you have confidence in things outside of yourself, then this confidence is certainly unreliable.

You have confidence in your job, you feel it is a stable job; you have confidence in your marriage, you feel your partner will not betray you.

This kind of confidence is of course unreliable.

The person asking the question is a male reader, but if it were a female reader, the question would actually be the same.

During the elevator's upward movement, if the man earns money, he may cheat on his wife. During the elevator's downward movement, if the man does not earn money, he may be cheated on.Everything goes around in circles, and everyone has their own risks.

No one should say who betrayed whom, because it is just a matter of probability.

When you put your confidence in the other person, when you have confidence in your stable job, when you have confidence in your significant other, you are actually lacking confidence.

Because confidence is about oneself.

Commonly known as, do you have confidence in yourself?

What is a "iron rice bowl"?

I can find a job anywhere, that's called an iron rice bowl. It doesn't mean that a certain job will never abandon you.

What does it mean to have confidence in marriage?

I don’t know whether my partner will betray me, but I know, I know very well that I am loved. There are many people in this world who love me, and it doesn’t have to be just one person.

Why? Because I know very well that I am worthy of love.

Whether you are worthy of love or not, whether you are attractive or not, you know it best. Do you need others to tell you?

What is this called? This is called having nothing outside of the mind.

Wang Yangming said that there is nothing outside the mind, which is the same as what Huineng said about our own nature being originally complete.

One meaning.

Do you think you are the only one who feels panic, anxiety, mental exhaustion, and fear of marriage?

The ancients did too.

The ancients worked hard for ten years to receive full-time education, and the average number of admissions per year was less than 100. These were the two lists of Jinshi.

Even if you pass the exam, you may be framed and thrown into prison or even exiled to the mountains of Guizhou to feed bears and tigers due to a moment of carelessness.

So Wang Yangming came to his senses.If you put your faith outside, you will never feel at ease.Serving the king is like serving a tiger; thunder, lightning, rain and dew are all the king's grace.

Only when you withdraw your mind and seek within can you stop confusing right and wrong and overcome all suffering.

What is Lao Wang talking about? He talked about the power of exploration in the fourth part of our day.

When you observe yourself, you are the universe itself. All changes in the outside world are actually connected to you.

You can influence the world instead of being influenced by it.

Look at the Olympic champion’s expression before she dives. She is calm. She has confidence in the audience, the diving platform, and the swimming pool.

She has confidence in herself.

Wang Yangming had confidence in himself because he mastered the true power of exploration and connected with the universe to form an interactive power of exploration. He stayed in the Ming Dynasty and was the Earl of Xinjian. The Ming Dynasty did not want him, so he went to the West. What was he? He was the Count of Monte Cristo.

So your problem, in the final analysis, has nothing to do with marriage, but with you. Do you have confidence in yourself?

If you have no faith, what is the point of living? A heartless person is just like a walking corpse whether he lives for one year or a thousand years.

If you have faith, why would all these clouds come into being?
Follow the official account, Xifeng Compass, to read the full text "Great changes are coming, what else can we do?"