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*as a reminder, this episode contains a lot of descriptions of sexual violence, which is not suitable for children. if you have children around you, i suggest you wear headphones or listen to it at another time.

aizhe note:

in the last episode, cuihua told us about her experience of being a "god-given daughter" doted on by the whole family, and how she was sexually assaulted step by step under the coercion and inducement of a mother and son from a neighboring church and the ignorant submission of her parents.

the story doesn't end here, of course. the three-year-long invasion, rain or shine, not only brought physical pain to the young cuihua, but also tormented her young heart. fortunately, as she grew older and matured, cuihua's self-protection awareness awakened. since her family could not be relied on, she had to be her own guard, but this was not easy for a girl in her teens.

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in sixth grade, i saw a sentence in the book "morality and law" that said "don't let anyone except your parents touch your body", which might mean that they broke the law.

i was stunned when i saw this passage. i wondered if my parents agreed to it, was it god who wanted me to do it? i didn’t know whether what i was doing was a unique act of sacrifice or a common act of child molestation in the world.

-1-

24 hours, lying on the ground

there are many different things in the church, such as confession requires some rituals. forgiveness by just praying is too easy, and some punishment is needed. the punishment is to lie on the ground. depending on the severity of the sin we have committed, the time we lie on the ground can range from 1 hour, 2 hours, or even a whole day.

i often lie prone because i am angry every day. i can't hide my thoughts, and i am always in front of them. anyway, i make mistakes every day, so i lie prone every day, 8 hours, 6 hours, 4 hours. although there is a military coat on the ground, it is useless. the ground is cold. it was okay at first, but later i became more and more tired. i couldn't turn over and couldn't move except to go to the toilet. my father lied prone for 12 hours, and xiaoyuan brother lied prone for 24 hours a day and a night.

it was qingming festival, and xiaoyuan's youngest son said he wanted to go hiking, so he took his youngest son to hike and pay tribute to the martyrs. ren quanqin found out and said, "this is something only feudal people can do, it's feudal superstition," and then xiaoyuan confessed and lay down for a day and a night.

■ photo/documentary "in the name of god: betrayal of faith"

-2-

showing the claws of the beast

after giving herself to me, wang haijun might have been feeling more excited. during that time, he focused on having sex with me and didn’t have sex with other girls.

actually, when i first had sex with him, my body was in pain and i had a urethral infection. but i didn’t know at that time that only peeing could relieve the pain a little, so i kept peeing. at that time, ren quanqin was talking nonsense, saying dirty words every day, saying that if you don’t listen to god’s words, you will be itchy. i really thought it was an itch, so when it was time, i took off my pants and went to wang haijun to have sex. but it didn’t work, it hurt more, and i could only pee a little bit. at that time, i was still wearing cotton pants, and my cotton pants were soaked with urine, sticking to my legs and feeling cold.

later, i had sex with him every day. at that time, i hadn't had my period yet. he asked my mother if he could ejaculate inside her. my mother said, "she hasn't had her period yet, so she won't get pregnant. you can ejaculate inside her." but he didn't dare to, so he would just pull out and ejaculate on my belly. then i would get some water to wash myself clean in the very cold weather.

another time after a party at night, i went to have sex with him, while my dad was still outside and was getting up to go home. wang haijun was riding on me and listening to my dad's footsteps, he said, "my uncle doesn't know that his daughter is asking me to have sex with her, right?" i was very confused at the time, and later i got very angry when i thought about it. it was too bad and too shameless.

actually, after i had sex with wang haijun and confessed my crime for the second time, i was no longer his third wife. he said to me, "you are my toy now, for me to play with." i thought, how long will i have to be his toy before he pardons me? i was a little sad at that time, because i felt that being demoted from the third wife to a toy was very sad, but i was also numb. i didn't care, because i would be his toy one day anyway.

but i didn’t know how long this period would last. it was very difficult and boring. my mental state was not very good at that time. i had begun to dissociate. i could only watch what was happening to me like a bystander.

-3-

just burn all the books.

at that time, i started to hear a harsh and buzzing sound in my ears, but i didn’t know that i was already sick.

during that time, two new girls came, his fourth child, from another village. one was two years younger than me, and the other was three years younger than me. i was 11 or 12 years old at the time, and the two girls were only eight or nine years old. their attitude towards these two children reminded me of their attitude towards me back then. they loved the new and hated the old, and scolded me in various ways, while the two children listened beside them.

i was very jealous of those two kids at the time, and i hated them because they came and made me get scolded even more. so at that time, my attitude was not very good and i was not willing to go to the party. they didn't force me to go every day, but he still wanted me to have sex with him.

i was only in sixth grade at that time and i wanted to commit suicide. all i thought about every day was filling my vagina with ddt, then having sex with him and poisoning his thing.

but then i thought it would be so unfair for my life to end like this, so i wondered if i could put a membrane in my vagina and put poison in that membrane, or use a knife or other methods to take revenge on him.

at that time, all these things were in my mind, and i did nothing for almost half a year. but i was very happy in school. although i really couldn't study hard at that time, primary school knowledge was very simple, and my grades were very good in our small place. i always ranked first or second. it can be said that going to school was my only outlet and the only thing that could make me relax and happy.

once, on the way to school, i was discussing a topic with my friend very loudly, and wang haijun's father who passed by heard us. they said that i loved studying more than loving god. my father came to me and said, "since you like studying so much, if you really can't do it, then don't read that book. i'll just burn all your books."

at that moment, i was completely paralyzed. this was even more cruel than the time when ren quanqin stepped on me. my heart sank. i didn't know what to do. there was no way out. they had been discussing letting me drop out of school, but i didn't know why my father didn't have a fever. this incident had a great impact on me.

-4-

emotional breakdown

in april 2015, wang haijun told me that i no longer needed to come to church or serve him. that was great, i was free. logically, i should be sad and heartbroken at this time because "god" didn't want me anymore, but i was more happy.

every afternoon after school, i stood in the courtyard and played, as if the wall in the middle had disappeared, because before that, i had never seen the evening after dinner.

later i entered junior high school. my grades were okay in the first year, but i started to get sick in the second year. my illness became worse and worse. my mind was full of those things. i couldn’t concentrate in class anymore. i couldn’t focus and i felt irritable.

in addition, i didn’t get into my ideal school in the third year of junior high school, so i repeated a year. that year, my grandma was paralyzed. my dad wanted me to visit her every day, but my grandma’s house was behind wang haijun’s house. every time i went to see my grandma, wang haijun would climb up the bungalow to see me. so every time i passed by his house, i would cry, then wipe my tears to see my grandma, and after seeing her, i would cry again. i didn’t want to go to see my grandma. so my dad was very angry, beat me up, and smashed my phone. from then on, my illness became more and more serious, and i didn’t call him dad for almost a year.

the moment he hit me, i wanted to die. i really felt that there was nothing worth staying in this world.

in addition, i suffered from insomnia, constipation, overeating, and obesity at that time, which gave me a sense of inferiority that i was not worthy of anything. i wanted to study well, but i couldn't concentrate, i couldn't read books, and i couldn't do anything. i could only think wildly, fantasizing about the future and recalling the pain of the past. i became very dull and slow to react, and others thought i was stupid.

■ picture/the road behind cuihua’s grandmother’s house. cuihua shed countless tears on this road

-5-

alcohol makes cowards brave

in january 2018, it was the spring festival winter break, and i bought some wine to drink because i had been feeling very uncomfortable and depressed. i felt that wang haijun needed to apologize to me. i wanted an explanation, some respect, and not to make those three years a joke.

i heard that drinking can relieve stress, and after drinking, i was indeed emboldened, so i knocked on his door in a daze. when wang haijun opened the door, i started to argue with him, but he still disrespected me, saying "you feel you've lost out because you gave it to me," and said a lot of ugly things, and slapped me twice.

at this time his mother came out and started to become very fragile, saying "everything is my fault." i asked her what she did wrong, and she said "i don't know what i did wrong, but if you think i'm wrong, then i'm wrong." she looked very pitiful.

i really wanted to slap her at that time, and then she held my hand and said, "slap me, slap me, beat me." wang haijun was very angry when he saw his mother's attitude towards me, and he said, "mom, don't bother with her, she is going to hell," and slapped me again.

then my parents helped me back home. my parents felt sorry for me and didn't blame me for helping me.

but this time, going to him didn't solve any problems, but made me feel worse.

at that time, i said in very simple english, "i want to send you in." i was afraid that if he understood me, he would at least cut off my contact with the outside world, or do something even crazier. i knew that they were not human beings.

when i was in the second year of junior high school, i wondered if they had broken the law. but i was willing, so would he not have broken the law? then i searched baidu again and again, and found that it clearly stated that "having sex with a girl under the age of 14, regardless of whether she was willing or not, is considered rape." i knew that he had committed a crime, and he should be sentenced to about 10 years.

but i didn’t have such a strong feeling at that time. besides, i was about to take the high school entrance examination, and i didn’t want this incident to affect my exam.

-6-

cult! call the police!

in 2019, i repeated my third year of junior high school, but dropped out of school in the first half of the year to work. i plan to repeat my senior year in september, study hard, and get into high school.

but at this time my mother didn't agree to let me go to school. no matter how much i cried and knelt on the ground to beg her, she didn't agree. i knew it was because of wang haijun. i told her that she didn't need to spend money and i would find a way myself, but she still didn't agree, so she kept delaying and didn't go to school.

later, in 2020, the epidemic broke out and all schools were closed and closed. the registration for the high school entrance examination was far away, so i was not so anxious. in may, the lockdown was lifted and school started, and i began to get anxious because the registration for the high school entrance examination was about to start. i went to the school and found a teacher. when she heard that i wanted to study, she was willing to help. she asked my mother to talk to the principal. when my mother came, she said she didn't want to study, and the principal couldn't agree. but this teacher wanted to help me again. she said she could help me when i registered for the high school entrance examination.

as a result, my mother and wang haijun and others ran to the school and threatened and scolded the teacher.

the teacher called me and was very angry. i was also angry when i heard it, because going to school is my only chance to change my class and status quo. i don’t want to be trapped in the countryside forever. i don’t want to live a farming life, nor do i want to be forced to work outside. i want to find an easier job through studying, get a better education, and live a decent life.

but they didn't give me that chance.

i was very angry, so i called 110 that night and said there was a cult here. a carload of police came over. one of the police officers called and asked me, "how do you know it's a cult?"

i said they controlled people's freedom and brainwashed them, then he asked me if i knew wang cuihua, i said it was me, he said he found a book that mentioned wang cuihua a lot. i don't know under what circumstances it was written, and i don't know if it was written by me.

that night, wang haijun and i were taken away, and my mother went with him.

■ photo: south korean cult leader chung myung-seok, who fled to china, was arrested in beijing in may 2007

-7-

sentenced to 20 years, 17 years

wang haijun was very scared that night. he called my mother "aunt wu" and kept shouting "aunt wu, aunt wu". he was so scared that he lost all his dignity. my mother got dressed and followed him. i was very excited in the police car. i said they were going too far. the police might have guessed something and asked if he had sex with me.

i said yes. then that night we started recording my statement. i started to tell the whole story from beginning to end. at first i couldn't finish it because my throat seemed to be blocked by something. but i had to tell it because it was very important. if i didn't tell it, who would seek justice for me?

after i finished recording my statement, i saw wang haijun was also recording his statement. wang haijun was extremely sleepy that night and wanted to sleep, so the police sarcastically asked, "god needs to sleep?" then they woke wang haijun up, which i found very funny.

later they also arrested ren quanqin. she looked at me with red eyes, staring at me and breathing heavily, without saying a word. then i was very excited and scolded her, saying that she was really going too far.

actually, calling the police was just an idea of ​​mine. i never thought of putting it into action. because this matter concerns my parents' beliefs, i was afraid that my mother would commit suicide because of the collapse of her beliefs. i was very afraid of this matter. actually, at that time, i didn't care about studying or the future. i just wanted to go to college safely and then find a job. i didn't want to be the kind of person who stood out from the crowd.

but they didn't allow it. they just wanted me to be a beast trapped in the church. they just wanted to lock people in cages. so i was very angry and called the police. that night i felt that i could accept my mother even if she committed suicide because of this.

after that, the mother and son were detained. my father and mother actually drove a tricycle to the law firm to ask about the bail method. i was speechless.

wang haijun's sister also came to me, saying that her mother was so old, and she didn't know that her mother and her brother had done so many bad things, and asked me to sign a letter of apology and let her mother come out first, saying that she was so old... she looked very pitiful when she cried, but i had no sympathy at all. then she said a few words to my mother pitifully and left, and no one bothered me anymore.

aizhe: have wang haijun and his mother also confessed?

of course, they are "gods". if they lie, are they still gods? they have to set an example so that others will believe them. i am very sure of this. i know that as long as i call the police, they will definitely sentence me. they will not change their confession.

in the end, wang haijun was sentenced to 20 years, ren quanqin was sentenced to 17 years, and my mother was sentenced to three years suspended for four years.

-8-

my mom made me marry the man who raped me

the prosecutor handling the case at the time also asked me what to do with your mother, should you sentence her or not.

i thought at the time that if i didn't sentence her, she would definitely not learn her lesson. if i did sentence her, it might have some impact on my brother and i's job hunting in the future. in the end, i decided to sentence her to teach her a lesson and let her know that this was a cult.

but she still didn't repent. no matter how much she said, it was useless. she couldn't turn back. she had put all her devotion and devotion here for 20 to 30 years. her whole life was wasted. my mother's idea now was not to let me have a relationship. she wanted me to wait until wang haijun came out and marry him.

my mother wanted me to marry the man who sexually assaulted me.i can't think about it too much. the more i think about it, the sadder i get. this family is no longer able to live in this way.

■ photo/cuihua's mother

ren quanqin and wang haijun, mother and son, were sentenced. cuihua's mother became more restrained after being sentenced to three years in prison with four years suspended. no one could stop cuihua from studying anymore. later, cuihua was admitted to a high school. after graduating from high school, she went out to work. she wanted to stay away from her family and her original environment as much as possible.

however, having been in that kind of environment for a long time, with endless brainwashing and violations, cuihua would be trapped in a dilemma that she could not get out of, even though she knew it was illegal and wrong.

years of mental control have been deeply imprinted in cuihua's mind, which will undoubtedly have a great impact on her thinking and behavior patterns. cuihua is deeply trapped in the shackles of her own heart and cannot break free.

-9-

if i could turn back time, i would call the police earlier.

2018, 2019, and 20 were the years when i was most ill. during those three years, i couldn’t see the fifth and sixth graders in elementary school. i felt sad when i saw them. when i saw them, i would think of my former self. i was also that young, and i felt very sad.

i remember that every time i was wronged, scolded and beaten at wang haijun's house, i would walk home in the dark and see my parents cooking at home, calling my brother to get plates to serve the food. the family was happy, with the sounds of cooking and my parents talking. i felt out of tune with them. they were enjoying their happy family life, while i was living in my 18th level of hell.

my current condition is almost severe depression and severe anxiety, and it seems that i no longer have that much sensitivity.

even when i recall my past now, sometimes i feel that it is not so worthy of sympathy. it is not only pathetic, but even a little ridiculous.

it's been a ridiculous life from beginning to end. it seems like i have never been lucky and have always been unlucky.

the only thing i want to do now is to tell this story to the whole world. i am in so much pain, not just psychologically, but also physically.

using me as a negative example doesn’t matter even if i get laughed at. i hope more people can hear it and maybe it will help more victims see the direction.

i want them to know that there is a solution. the solution is to call the police and get yourself out.

if i had known that this was a cult, i might have chosen to call the police earlier, instead of blindly believing them, being afraid of their so-called going to hell, and not being poisoned by them for so many years.

aizhe: have you ever thought about what different decisions you would make if you could go back in time?

i should have called the police earlier. i shouldn’t have called the police in 2020. i should have called the police before 2018. i shouldn’t have let him be so proud for so long.those two kids made me feel really guilty. if i had called the police earlier, some things could have been avoided.。

ai zhe: how is the church doing now? what is the situation of the believers now?

there were only my mother and the fourth child, the only two people. the fourth child was wang haijun's fourth wife, the mother of the two little girls. to be honest, after i grew up, i realized that some things seemed very important, but in fact, they were not a big deal, just like sexual assault, which seemed very serious, but in fact, when it happened, i just accepted it quietly, and then i went through these things.

■ photo: cuihua (center) and her friends

cuihua was very smart since she was young and her academic performance was very good, but unfortunately she was held back by the living environment. cuihua now works in a factory in a city in the east. she told me that she has signed up for the adult college entrance examination next month and still hopes to continue studying and get a diploma so that she can have more choices in life in the future.

although her parents should bear a great responsibility for this misfortune, and cuihua wanted to stay away from them as much as possible, she could not completely sever her relationship with this family. during the mid-autumn festival, she still went back to that home and took some photos for me. you can see it in the program push of this episode on the wechat public account of gushi fm.

many of the girls interviewed in the documentary "in the name of god: betrayal of faith" are highly educated women, and the victims are spread across various countries and regions in east asia. compared with such transnational religious groups, such incidents in rural churches in china, where education is relatively backward, are more covert and the practices are more serious.

thanks to victims like cuihua for coming forward to tell their stories and reminding us to be vigilant against organizations and individuals who use the guise of religion to carry out mind control.

narrator | wang cuihua