news

Text | Thirteenth Sister

Zheng Qinwen won the Olympic championship. I was waiting to see how the media would praise her mother this time, but I didn’t expect that her father is more popular now.

They began to promote Zheng's father's "Wolf parenting rules", this shot just hit the amygdala of many parents, and dopamine and the century-long parenting plan were stimulated at the same time.

The key words of this wave of publicity are such as "Dad doesn't allow me to drink Coke", "Dad requires her to be the best in the world", "Dad sells his house to support her playing basketball", "They are together less and apart more, and can only see each other briefly at the airport"...

Last timeThis kind ofIf you don't succeed, you will succeedBenevolence"Father's love is like a mountain"EducationSonSuccessful Cases，Still staying in LangLangHis father。

When a winner in life looks back on the past and casually talks about some trivial matters, they can easily become "parenting secrets" for the listeners.

As a result, after a lot of fermentation and analysis, some netizens made a high-level summary:

I really want to say to these people: Zheng Qinwen’s father can cultivate the best children in the world, but you can’t.

Because Mr. Zheng is actually cruel to himself, but you only see that he is cruel to his children.

Some people follow the "result theory" and only take a sip, grabbing whatever keywords are interesting enough.

I guess it was forwarded crazily in the circle of friends before"Stop forcing your children to work hard" and "Acknowledge your children's mediocrity"Yes, it is this group of people.

When it comes to educating children, people have no backbone at all.

A few days agoJiang Minhui's parents' "ceiling-style middle-class baby-raising road" was summarized by someone as "raising a child requires investment, taking the high-end route, and leading the way in the opposite direction", and everyone was asked to "copy it";

I have read the parenting story of Zheng Qinwen’s father these days, and someone has given a so-called “education template”: “You must be ruthless in raising a child, make him suffer mentally and physically, and do not let him mess up his behavior…”

In order to emulate Lang Lang, many parents of piano students gritted their teeth and forced their children to take an unconventional path and study piano as a full-time job.

No one cared what happened to them later.

There was a period of time when it was very popular to share stories like "How I got my kid into Harvard", and there were quite a few parents who copied their original educational routes completely.

No one cares what happened to them later.

The child is your own. Every child is different, and every family is different. Now many people only like to say that Zheng Qinwen's father spent all the family wealth,A do-or-die battle, a gamble for his daughter's future...but no one talks about Zheng Qinwen's own talent, hard work and passion.

Some people also seriously disassembled Zheng's strategies and tactics, starting with the guide to choosing a track:

Why don't you learn how to land on the moon? Wouldn't it be great if no one competes with you?

All the desire to win and vanity that does not focus on one's own children are CPUs.

It is a joke for parents to risk their lives on something their children don’t like.

Things that children really like and have talent for, parentsPlay a driving role, those who have money can contribute money, those who have manpower can contribute manpower.

As for those who don’t spend money or effort but still want their children to reach the top, remember:Others are good at education, you are good at dreaming.

Therefore, this kind of "wolf-like parenting" is not universal, and the educational concept of "being harsh on children" can only be said to be a blind man touching an elephant.

The core of education is to respect children's passion and talent, followed by training their qualities of persistence and hard work.

What are the words "determined to sell everything you have", "no future if you are not ruthless to your child", "a tiger should kill its child"...

If we find a louse in a gorgeous fur coat, we will say that lice are the essence of gorgeousness. Of course, we will not be stabbed, but we must know:There are tens of millions of parents in China, and half of them are easily stabbed.

Maybe soon some sports training institutions will target these parents who have been stabbed, and ask you to go all out, go through fire and water, and even sell everything you have, to choose a less popular track and send your children to suffer.

The final result is likely to be,If you don't practice sports well, you won't be able to study well.

Many children in many families do not have any outstanding achievements. It is not because the children are not good at anything, but because the parents are easily influenced by rumors.

They never start from their children's own abilities and interests, but instead explore their children's future from the so-called "shortcuts" and "other people's successful experiences."

The first thing parents should do is to be tough on themselves.

Rather than "forcing yourself to make more money" or "forcing yourself to improve your cognition", it is more important to force yourself to step out of your comfort zone, listen less to the various opinions and suggestions of so-called experts, experienced people, and other people's parents, force yourself to be more deeply connected with your children, find your own way, and become a true partner and investor.

How many people don't understand their own children at all, but look at other people's children who are glorious to the family.I always think that other people's children are doing well, but I never think about how big the gap is between myself and other people's parents.。

I think what is more important at this moment is the definition of success and the dialectical discussion of the path to success.

Zheng Qinwen won the championship and she was very successful, and her father's parenting methods were proven to be successful.But this only proves that this method can be successful on Zheng Qinwen, it does not mean that this method is useful for everyone. Even if Zheng's father has a second child, he may not be able to replicate the success.

In the face of such great success, the only thing we can be sure of and affirm is Zheng Qinwen's own efforts, her dedication and responsibility to herself.

As for other things, such as assistance from family, coaches, and social environment, they all belong to logistics. Looking back after success, they are all good, but it does not mean that these factors will work for everyone.

The success of education should be to cultivate children's sense of responsibility for themselves.In any field and under any circumstances, as long as children are responsible for themselves, pursue excellence, and strive to do the best within their abilities, they will be successful.

For example, although your child may not be able to reach the top of the human race, he won the second prize in the community badminton competition. This is progress made after half a year of hard training despite his original laziness and underdeveloped motor nerves. In this case, you have been successful in educating your child because he has learned to improve himself and even tried genetic mutation.

Don't force yourself to eat something even if it's not bitter.

Parents don’t have to suffer a lot to feel that they are giving. Only then can children feel their parents’ support and love.

It is not necessary for children to go through great hardships, become alienated from their relatives, and deviate from the normal social learning path, before they can be considered successful.

Suffering is suffering, and suffering is suffering.

To endure hardship means to have love, gain and value in it, and that is happiness.

Suffering is suffering, and there is no need to sing the praises of suffering. However, many people nowadays are particularly fond of it and are addicted to self-admiration.

If you really think that your child is suffering, then don't do it. No one is born with the obligation to be forced to experience suffering by you.

On the other hand, Zheng Qinwen's parents risked everything for their child and gave him their full support. They must have been under pressure both in life and mentally. This is also hardship, but this hardship is still supported by strong trust. There is joy in the hardship. This is not real hardship, but happiness.

Investing in children, spending money and energy on them, and even suffering for them, are relatively easy to do. The hardest thing to do is to trust children.

Many people cannot achieve the level of perfection that Mr. Zheng has achieved because of lack of trust.

The thought of “what if I fail and lose all my money” fills my mind. Without trust, how can I talk about the sense of happiness behind the hardship?

Behind every successful person there are advantages and support from all aspects. Anyone's achievement first comes from his or her own excellent talents and perseverance. If you don't have these, and only think about "forcing your children to work hard" and "being harsh on your children"... then you are not a parent who understands education.

Those are careless parents.。

Thirteenth Sister

Highly influential KOL in Shanghai

Author of "Amazing Middle-Aged Women", "Amazing Chinese Mothers" and "Practicing with Husbands"

Weibo@格十三