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people who have been loved,

if there is light in your heart, you will not be afraid of darkness.

text丨liu na

01

september 17,

it is the mid-autumn festival for family reunion.

that day,

aoyuan plaza, panyu district, guangzhou city,

a tragic incident occurred:

the female middle school student is beautiful,

commit suicide here by jumping off the building.

10 days after committing suicide,

meimei’s suicide note to her mother,

began to circulate on the internet.

in her suicide note, meimei wrote:

"mother,

when you see this piece of paper,

i may no longer be here.

mom, i'm sorry,

my daughter failed to fulfill her filial duty to you,

my daughter is just too tired,

want to take a nap..."

in the following text,

meimei writes about the heavy workload,

school ranking,

family debt,

the madness of making up lessons,

confusion about the future,

inner powerlessness...

also, she felt extremely guilty towards her mother:

"mom, if it weren't for me,

you won't become what you are now,

sorry mom, it's all my fault,

i can only let you stop your losses now..."

02

meimei’s writing style is a bit childish,

a suicide note with painful content,

after it spread on the internet,

many people cried when they saw it:

"this generation of kids,

it's really, really hard. "

there are also many big vs,

relying on the few words in the suicide note,

the beautiful mother who is violently abused online:

"it was the mother who killed this child."

i advise you not to be such a person.

one, raising children,

it is not the mother’s responsibility alone.

where did the "disappeared father" go?

blame all the child's problems on the mother,

just like taking social problems

blame it all on women,

it's essentially misogyny, not objective.

second, meimei wrote a suicide note to her mother before she left.

it just proves that she loves her mother,

mom is her too

the person i couldn't let go of the most during my lifetime.

only,

this fragile mother-daughter relationship,

in the end, i couldn't keep meimei.

little girl gets stronger

darker energy consumed.

what is this stronger, darker energy?

this is what we are today

issues that need to be faced together——

03

sensible·depression

"i'm sorry, mom,

i can no longer fulfill my filial piety to you. "

"mom, i spent too much of your money...

it's all my fault. "

"mother,

when i'm not around

you have to take care of yourself,

don’t look at your phone too late. "

"mom, meimei will always love you..."

from these sentences,

we can see that

meimei is a very sensible child.

the scary thing is:

suicidal child,

they are all very sensible children.

why?

why are you more sensible?

are you more likely to fall into depression?

the answer is:

overly sensible in nature

it’s a kind of flattery that kills oneself——

think about other people’s children at all times and everywhere,

he was praised for being obedient and sensible.

overly flattering in nature

it is a kind of self-castrating repression——

in the habitual perception of "i'm not important",

self-deprecation,

self-attack,

self-punishment.

in every depressed patient,

everyone lives with one

a harsh self-punisher.

suicide is just her (him)

by sacrificing life,

the last punishment for myself.

therefore, there is a saying in psychology:

naughty children are not scary,

children who are too sensible are terrible.

a child jumps up and down,

flip left and right, do seven and eight,

like monsters roaming the wasteland,

it’s also like sun wukong without the tightening curse,

it is a manifestation of primitive vitality.

children with strong vitality,

learning is not necessarily optimal;

but definitely not depressed.

because he unleashed his aggression.

and aggression,

it is the embodiment of vitality.

on the contrary,

those who seem to be well-behaved and sensible,

the child who never causes trouble,

more prone to psychological problems——

she (he) never attacks others outwardly,

you can only punish yourself inwardly.

the more you punish yourself,

the weaker her (his) inner vitality, the

until the last straw falls,

the last bit of hope was dashed.

so, dear friends:

when you praise your child for being smart,

please stop and observe,

has he or she always tried to please adults?

wrong yourself too much.

when you dislike your child for being too naughty,

please stop and take a look too,

is she (he) attacking outward?

get adults' attention,

defend your feelings.

through the symptoms expressed by the child,

see the inner needs of children,

it is the first step in parenting.

04

poverty·guilt

"i've seen you fret over your debt,

i have also seen the exaggeration of those rich people..."

"mom, you often say that i spend too much of your money,

if it weren't for me,

you won't become what you are now. "

"you no longer give me money,

you don’t have to be so tired anymore. "

through these contents in the suicide note,

we can see the beauty before suicide,

suffering from extreme guilt.

this guilt,

not just what her mother brought to her.

there are also social wealth and poverty, and educational involution.

the gap brought to her,

let her not embarrass her mother,

i don’t want to be ridiculed either,

decided to kill himself.

the shame brought about by guilt,

of all human emotions,

the one that tends towards "dead energy" the most.

because of shame,

can't say it easily,

will be cleverly hidden by us,

shut into the shadow of the subconscious.

when we're in the shadows

after hiding too much shame,

our energy

it will become more and more sad.

the heavy sorrow accumulates more and more,

the more desperate we become,

the less energetic.

patients with depression essentially

he is a powerless person who has lost all his vitality.

i said it at the beginning,

i don’t agree with the big v’s online violence against beautiful mothers.

but i expect

parents who read this article,

from this tragedy, we can

observe your daily life,

have you ever artificially created shame for your children?

"i do this,

isn’t it all for your own good? "

"our family is so poor,

are you worthy of me if you don't study well? "

"if it weren't for you,

how could i live so hard! "

and so on,

the "poisonous words" blurted out,

will cause children to fall into

the self-guilt feeling of “i am a sinner.”

it will make the child feel that she (he) is a burden.

it's waste, it's baggage,

you can live well without your own parents.

until the end,

go to "forget it, i'm dead,

my parents are not so tired anymore" committed suicide.

there is no perfect parent,

but parents with 60 points

it is also a lesson that must be learned well.

it is an expression without shame:

"i just did that,

it's because i value my own face too much,

it's not that you are wrong. "

"our family is very poor.

but making money is the business of mom and dad. "

"before you were born,

mom and dad don’t have an easy life.

but what does it matter?

as long as the family is well,

there is always a way. "

express without shame,

let us and our children

let’s get out of the curse of poverty together,

be open and embrace good fortune.

05

academic negativity

“i feel that the most tiring thing now is not going to work.

but learn. "

"three days of mid-autumn festival holiday, one day off,

there are 14 written assignments alone.

putting endorsements and experiments together,

there are 20 of them. "

"adults don't want to go to work.

but there is a salary,

students are exhausted from going to school

only the high school entrance examination..."

meimei's suicide note

these expressions full of powerlessness,

reminds me of this description:

if we take our children,

think of it as an employee in the company,

you will know why they want to kill themselves.

i have to get up at five or six o'clock every day to "go to work".

go to work and "get off work" at 7 or 8 p.m.

i have to take a mission with me when i go home

"work overtime" for three or four hours,

until eleven or twelve o'clock at night.

i finally made it to saturday and sunday,

parents again

taken to another company to "do part-time work" (weekend cram school).

after the winter and summer vacations,

my parents found me a reinforcement company again.

continue to "work" (vacation prep classes).

daily kpi assessment,

i was scolded even if i didn't do well in the exam.

if you do well in the exam, then take the exam.

you can't miss work, you can't take time off,

wages are never paid.

it lasted 12 years.

such a thing,

if you let an adult do it, you would want to die.

stop talking about the kids.

the famous psychologist losada,

this proposition was raised:

if a person wants to survive in a group,

the positive feedback he received,

compared to the negative and powerless feedback he received,

it is roughly 17:6, which is approximately equal to 3:1.

when the positive feedback is 3,

when negative feedback is 1,

only a person has the will to survive in a group.

otherwise, people will easily despair,

even thought of death.

this is the famous psychological

"losada psychological line".

use it on our children:

our children are at school

being affirmed three times and criticized once,

he just wants to stay in school.

and the data shows:

chinese students were criticized 6 times,

only then can it be exchanged for a piece of praise.

some not even once.

the value of positive feedback,

only 1/18 of the "losada psychological line".

our children,

just like this lack of affirmation,

in an encouraging and tolerant environment,

being criticized by teachers and insulted by parents,

my classmates ridiculed me and i was tired from morning till night.

beautiful suicide note,

it is an indictment of education and involution,

this is also a reminder to schools and parents:

all of us adults are uniting,

exhaust all

"growing up" the most desperate children in a generation.

it's time to stop.

06

future·confusion

many people may say:

"in the final analysis,

or are children nowadays too pretentious?

the adults are provided with good food and drink,

if the child says to jump off the building, he will jump off the building.

at that time, we

our parents don’t care about us,

he beat us at every turn,

aren’t we still alive today? "

such a person,

i suggest you read it carefully

psychologist chen mo’s

"chinese children have changed a long time ago, but teachers and parents are still stubborn."

after reading,

you will understand

why did meimei say in her suicide note:

"the teacher said, 'bitter first, then sweet.

only by reading can you be successful',

but not everyone is successful.

mom, i'm so tired! "

our generation,

study and study, work hard for the college entrance examination,

it's to change your life,

i have seen a certain future——

as long as you get into college,

you can really find a job,

can live better than their parents.

what about today’s children?

studying hard day and night,

where is the certain future that can be expected?

just like the one who wanted to commit suicide,

children of fudan professors

as said:

"i studied hard, got good grades, and got good grades.

university, graduate school, work,

it's not like this when you come out.

it's better to die now. "

sense of meaninglessness,

is the biggest problem plaguing our children.

this sense of meaninglessness,

it’s not just about adults’ chicken blood.

can be saved,

it requires the whole society

give children a good employment and living environment,

let children see the meaning of struggle.

this is a systematic and profound proposition,

it shouldn't be avoided.

our children,

never afraid of hardship,

the premise is that they

believe that suffering is rewarded,

it’s worth the pain.

07

return home·sense of strength

"mom, i'm so tired."

this sentence,

not the cry of lost beauty,

it’s a cry for help from many children.

my children are in primary school.

he would also often complain that he was "very tired."

i have several friends' children

studying in high school,

they often complain to me:

"the child is too tired,

go to school at around 5 o'clock in the morning,

i didn’t come back until around 10pm.

you only have ten or twenty minutes to eat.

the child was so tired that his eyes were dull.

listless. "

what kind of future?

is it worthy of a child’s efforts?

i have no idea.

i only know,

i have a friend who has a child in high school.

here’s how:

when children cry out that they are tired,

she will use the reason that "the child is sick",

ask for leave from the teacher,

make delicious food for the children,

let your children catch up on sleep at home.

when a child fails an exam,

she is willing to let the child

return to baby state,

cry next to her for a while;

when a child collapses and despairs,

she is willing to mourn the loss with her children,

stay in the darkness for a while,

then wait until the child calms down,

with the children again

find a solution from the problem and start again...

she told me this:

"i missed half a day of class and failed one test.

break down and cry,

put these into the river of life and see,

nothing at all.

most importantly, this is my child,

only i can protect him.

i want to when he is hurt,

let him remember the way home.

remember the way home,

everything will get better slowly. "

yes, that's true.

can leave a child behind,

not grand slogans and ineffective preaching,

but in the past years,

the beauty of being deeply loved by adults.

people who have been loved,

will be in the dark night,

carrying a small orange lamp in hand,

find your way home.

there is light within them,

so don't be afraid of the dark.