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good afternoon, family.

i recently discovered a new phenomenon;

a new track has appeared on the short video platform, the full-time househusband track.

that is, women work outside the home to earn money, while men work full-time at home as cows and horses;

the short video shows a full-time househusband who is busy but has no complaints;

men are good at storage and organization, but also love cooking and housework;

are men who stay at home full-time in real life really as motivated as they are online?

we found three male friends and asked them about their experiences and insights.

i am the kind of person who is not interested in work at all. i am content with being a little rich, as long as i have enough money to spend;

i don’t have the goal of becoming rich and wealthy, and i don’t want to live too tiredly. when i see others going to beijing to pursue their ideal life, i don’t envy them at all. i just want to live in harbin.

at first i had a job within the system, but i couldn’t adapt to the work environment;

i keep my heart in my heart, and i hide my thoughts when talking to my colleagues. i couldn't stand it. i was also impulsive and quit my job.

after that, i encountered obstacles one after another when looking for jobs. some were because i didn’t get along with the leadership, some were because the work environment was too depressing, and some were because i was paid too little and had too much work to do. none of these were the working conditions i wanted;

i was having trouble finding a job, so i told my wife that i didn’t want to work for the time being, and she accepted by default.

she is five years older than me. when she got married, her family paid all the money for the wedding house, and her parents’ pension was also not low;

she has been taking care of me since we got married.

i am mainly responsible for providing what i can provide, and she does not ask for much from me materially.

now that i think about it, it's good to get married early. although i lose my personal freedom, i can have someone to keep me safe.

i simply stayed there for several years and became a househusband in the eyes of outsiders.

neighbors, relatives in my hometown all know that i don't work. i don't care what is said behind my back, and i don't feel ashamed.

i usually love to cook, and i am also diligent in housework. if i don’t work and i don’t have the confidence to buy groceries, i will keep accounts. i get pocket money on a monthly basis. i also drive my wife to and from get off work, and take care of everything at home.

i thought i was doing a good job, but as time went by, problems began to arise.

for example, she intentionally or unintentionally mentioned the husband of a female colleague in casual chat, and gave bonuses to female colleagues to buy chanel bags. for example, when she mentioned pregnancy preparation, she said that she was too stressed and did not dare to have children;

later, whenever there was a quarrel, she always attributed it to "i don't have a job" or "how long do i want to stay?"

she also spoke harshly when she was in an emotional state. she scolded me for being the one who took care of me every day when i was absent from work and at home. she also scolded me for being a showman for not doing anything.

she is completely different from when she first got married. i thought she chose to marry me because she accepted my personality;

she is the one who allows me to be myself, and she is the one who is picky about everything;

on the surface, i don't have any objections, but in fact, i couldn't stand it for a long time. i didn't even tell her that i kept a good figure and was quite popular. i didn't even pay attention to the women who expressed affection for me.

i even think that the problem is not whether i have a job, but that people will reach this point after being married for a long time, and the relationship is not as good as before, so it is a mistake to take a breath.

but if i tell the truth, it is impossible for her to leave me. she has never done any housework for a day, so it’s hard to say who is dependent on whom.

my family is a typical one of strong women and weak men. she has a successful career and is very capable at work. she was promoted in three years and bought a house in five years. although my job is okay, i don’t earn much as much as she does;

she discussed it with me before preparing for pregnancy and told me that she would not take leave after giving birth. she believed that the family did not lack my salary and wanted me to quit my job and turn my focus to my family.

originally i really couldn't accept it, the concept was still too advanced;

no man wants to be a "housewife".

the real decision to resign was because the child was diagnosed with autistic tendencies. he did not like to talk and only spoke a few words when he opened his mouth. however, it was only a tendency and could be recovered through treatment and training;

then my mother suddenly became seriously ill, and the family suddenly became very busy. we had to find nannies and escorts. calculating these two expenditures, they were far higher than my salary.

i had no choice but to resign and stay at home full-time to take care of my children and the elderly.

first of all, this is my last resort. i am not the kind of careful person. i can’t do many things. i had a lot of quarrels at the beginning;

i was also very broken, i felt a little unable to hold my head up, and i often felt empty;

apart from devoting time and energy to the family, no social value is created.

when my children started to go to special schools and were inseparable from people every day, i became even more desperate and almost depressed;

i don’t know when the days will come to an end, and although it’s unfair to my children to think so, there’s not a day that goes by that i don’t regret after resigning;

without a job, you lose your social status, and many people around you gradually lose contact;

ex-colleagues and old classmates know that you don’t have a job, so they have different views on me, and even tease me a few words when we meet and chat.

when i take my children to the park during the day, the people i meet are mothers or elderly people, and i feel out of place among them;

at home, she is like a nanny, having to cater to all the demands of adults, children and the elderly. she is out shopping for groceries and walking the kids, but is unable to devote herself to it and doesn’t know what to do.

i thought that everything would be fine if i took good care of my children, but i was picked on more and more often, and if i didn’t make money, i would have no confidence. i understand this very well.

there were a few times when i just paid with miji, she would immediately ask me on wechat, "where are you spending again?" yin and yang are strange and not free.

although i couldn't do it perfectly, i tried my best;

if marriage means losing freedom, then this kind of marriage is really not what i wanted in the first place.

i was laid off three years ago, and now i am unemployed and can be regarded as a semi-full-time househusband.

the reason why i say semi-househusband is because my wife does not approve of my choice.

she thinks people need to go to work and thinks there is something wrong with my current state.

i also tried hard to submit my resume, but the reality is that i can't find the job i want, and i don't like the jobs i can get.

after all, my salary was not low before, so i absolutely cannot accept a salary cut now.

after just a few years of waiting and watching, the main conflict shifted from the outside to the inside of the family.

my wife is a middle-level leader of a well-known large factory.

compared with me, who has to use a computer to handle work right after giving birth, we are completely opposite.

ever since i lost my job, the biggest pressure has come from her.

i thought it would be good to take care of the family after a few years gap, but she thought i was escaping reality and numbing myself.

in order to avoid arguments, i had to become more and more thick-skinned and avoid her in everything.

she works during the day, i go out to walk the dog, and she works overtime at night. i don't dare to go to bed too early, for fear of having a quarrel if the door doesn't go well.

it's obviously me who's unemployed, but it's her who's anxious and insomniac.

what's more, our living expenses are really not that high. we don't have a house or car loan, and our parents are both in good health and have no serious illness;

she felt inexplicably insecure and frantically tried to get me a job.

let’s just say that we are both married, have children, and have savings. why do we work so hard?

besides, although i don’t have a serious job, i’m not idle either.

when i have nothing to do, i still research stocks and entrepreneurial opportunities. i have a wide range of hobbies and am not out of touch with society.

i guess she was dissatisfied with my performance at home. she felt that i was not doing my housework diligently and that i still went out to play every day.

i can understand why i feel so comfortable and deliberately find fault with me. after all, whoever makes the money has the most say.

if i don't talk back, if she loses her temper, i go straight downstairs and become familiar with the neighborhood boss;

she also said that i was being cold-blooded, and that i was clearly trying to avoid intensifying the conflict. this was tolerant enough, so why not?

even when it was serious, when it came to divorce, i was unmoved.

i think the real problem is that she is too curled up, always wants people to improve, and her thinking is too fixed;

to be honest, everyone lives for themselves. i didn’t think about it before, but now i really think about it.

there has been a lot of discussion about stay-at-home wives in the past few years. when the roles are reversed, things begin to change subtly;

some husbands stay at home passively, returning to the family on the surface but still resisting on the inside;

some husbands are instantly overwhelmed by trivial matters, and almost become depressed within less than a year of raising a baby;

others are purely escapist and take over family jobs in order to avoid social pressure.

chizuru ueno wrote in her book "unpaid housewife":

"nowadays, men's needs for marriage partners have changed. in addition to appearance, personality and housework ability, wives' income is also ranked higher and higher. men all over the world show the same tendency, and they are more attracted to wives who can make money. "

full-time wives and full-time househusbands present two completely different situations.

in the past, stay-at-home wives were considered “parasites” who were not recognized;

no ability, no recognition, no thanks and no reward.

nowadays, the requirement for women is that you must be good both internally and externally, and you must be strong at both family and work.

but giving has never been a female aesthetic.

be it a full-time househusband or a full-time nanny;

this is not an experimental role reversal, but this is how society should function.

when you are in it, you can feel it more.

author/ziweixing